Love relationships need growth, understanding

Do you know she needs three orgasms a week to function optimally, says intimacy expert.
Do you know she needs three orgasms a week to function optimally, says intimacy expert.
Image: 123RF/ MICHAEL ZHANG

A loud sob cut the silence in the movie theatre, next was the quiet sound of sniffling and I also let my tears fall, feeling better that I wasn't the only one.

Why all the wailing and crying? Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper had just given a stellar performance as Ally and Jackson in the critically acclaimed movie A Star is Born.

The movie was emotionally disruptive, their love story was tragic but after the tears fell and I had splashed some cold water on my face I realised that their relationship was traumatic.

It was the kind of relationship where one can end up feeling like a hostage. Gaga's character ended up wanting to stunt her career by refusing a tour just so she'd stay at home with Cooper's character to help him. Like she felt responsible for him.

Did Big and Carrie Bradshaw, from Sex and the City franchise, have the right idea when they decided to keep her old apartment to get some time away from each other? The idea of an all-consuming love that is "perfect" is what we're sold daily. But how healthy is this exactly? In fact, what is a healthy relationship?

"I believe partners should be friends; you should be able to talk about anything; you should be able to laugh about anything. You should try out, for example, swinging from a door and fall; it should be funny," says intimacy and relationship coach Vikkie Cee.

"It should be a day when he's not getting an erection and it's something you can brush off or laugh about or talk about it if it continues.

"Where you basically know, you can open up one to another about the good and the bad."

Cee educates on sexual health and helps couples with their communication within and outside of the bedroom.

One of the components of a healthy relationship is a healthy sex life. According to Cee, a woman should have a minimum of three orgasms a week.

"The minute a woman doesn't get regular orgasms it messes her up, she gets moody grumpy, irritable and snaps very easy."

She went on to say that some of her biggest cases stem from this, and she tries to explain the importance of a woman reaching orgasm to their male partners.

Something else that couples try is to bring in outside sexual partner in a swinging type set up or open relationship, Cee says this often results in a breakdown of intimacy.

"With what I do I try and study people, I try and analyse people and I've actually seen that women don't like to share. They might say they're okay with it but behind closed doors they go through a whole lot of trouble, they end up losing their sense of self because it turns into a competition."

The sexpert advises that should a couple find themselves at the point where they're considering adding other partners into the relationship they should first do some introspection.

"Why not try and figure out what it is that you're looking for outside and see if you and your partner cannot work towards reaching those goals together."

Cee is adamant that people should always introspect as this will help you figure out what you want and ensure you don't end up doing something you're not comfortable with.

"The minute you start working on you and seeing what it is that you can improve on you to make you a better person everything else around you changes."

She often tackles the issue of grooming as she said that people tend to let themselves get too comfortable in relationships.

Couples need to operate like friends and laugh together.
Couples need to operate like friends and laugh together.
Image: 123RF/ MICHAEL ZHANG

"As individuals we're visual there's something that you see in your partner that attracts them to you. So when it comes to sexually as well you're turned on by what you see."

Cee maintains that spending some time away from each other is healthy and that compromise is key, but you should never over compromise.

Things like not making positive or desired career and life decisions because of your partner is dangerous and breeds resentment.

"When you find you're losing your sense of self then you know you've gone overboard."

The intimacy coach warns that sometimes people will check out of the relationship but stay within it for years.

Normally this is characterised by no communication, the physical attraction dwindles and thus sexual intimacy also lacks.

"A lot of people forget that in every relationship your needs for each other three years from now are not the same as your needs for each other now, so you need to grow together."

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