MO AND PHINDI | Signs of mature love surely lead to thriving marriages

Marriage isn’t for children. By that we mean both in age and in maturity. Being a child is a matter of birth. Being mature is a matter of choice. It doesn’t merely come with age. Inasmuch as there are 12-year-old children, there are also 42-year-old children.

And so like any other relationship that matters, marriage not only requires work, but maturity as well. Couples who are committed to their marriage want their marriage to do more than just survive, they want their marriage to thrive.

Thriving marriages require dedication, cooperation and effort to continue nourishing the marital ties between spouses.

While no two marriages are quite alike and while what works for one couple may not necessarily be practical for another, there are certain key elements at the core of successful marriages.

Here is a brief look at elements mature marriages have in common.

Willingness to admit when you’re wrong

You both play a role in the relationship and you have to take ownership over your own actions and how those affect your spouse. Pride comes before a fall. Mature love understands that throughout the marriage, you will make mistakes. Although small mistakes will not initially hurt your marriage, if you do not acknowledge them, or you become defensive or justify your mistakes, those behaviours create hostility and a lack of trust between you and your spouse.

Doesn’t avoid conflict

Mature love understands and accepts that a marriage partnership consists of two unique individuals each with their own desires and approaches that don’t always align with one another.

However, it’s critically important that the marriage has a conducive environment to handle differences. One of the reasons one partner may opt to avoid confronting an issue, is because of the unpredictability of response from the other. Bottling emotions presents a whole new set of its own challenges.

In immature relationships, every fight can lead to threats of breakup. Unhealthy marriages built on weak foundations thrive on drama. But in a mature marriage, both partners are committed to an environment where they can open up, recognise that they may not always see eye-to-eye and, yet, still maintain the care and vulnerability to say, “I love you”, at the end of the day.

How you manage conflict in your marriage can impact family dynamics, happiness levels, and even your physical and mental well-being.

Validation of one another’s feelings

When one partner expresses dissatisfaction, the other doesn’t downplay it. Validation is the act of helping your spouse feel heard and understood. When your spouse comes to you to share their feelings, mature love genuinely listens and experiences the moment with them. It shows interest in what they have to say and valuing their emotions, words, and thoughts. Often when we share our feelings, we aren’t seeking advice; we’re seeking validation. You may not agree with how we feel, but we still want you to know that what we feel is valid and our thoughts have worth.

No need or want to change the other

Individual understanding of oneself in a marriage includes respecting who your partner in their core and accepting them as they are. This refers to their personality, not so much their character.

Personality refers to the combination of qualities, attitude and behaviour, that makes a person distinct from others. Character refers to a set of moral qualities and beliefs that cause a person to behave in a certain way. Personality is who we are at birth, but character is acquired as we grow.

Mature love also realises that both partners need to maintain their individuality. Two parts don’t necessarily make a whole. Mature couples are whole on their own and have a level of trust that allows them to operate independently. They come together to revel in their true love, but they do not need each other.

An immature love often means holding on to a dream of who your partner could be in the future, not who they actually are.

Mature, adult relationships embrace the positive in others and, while everyone should be on their own personal growth path and there is always room for self-improvement.

In-charge of their emotions

Mature love puts you in position to understand and control your emotions, particularly when your patience is tested or are just faced with challenging situations. This is critical to your well-being whether you’re a single person or couple because it comes into play every day in every relationship you have.

When you have a healthy level of emotional capacity, you are able to regulate your emotions and responses to your spouse.

Not threatened by partner’s growth

Mature love is not only threatened by the progress of the other, but also encourages it by creating a conducive environment for growth. When your partner succeeds at something or grows in their career to levels that surpasses yours, they should know and feel that you are in their corner, which in turn should translate to them feeling just as ecstatic when you succeed at your goals, too.