Now you see them, now you don’t. Maybe you like magic tricks, but when a person disappears and then comes back only to leave and reappear again it is frustrating, not entertaining. Even though they may not be a magician, they’re still going to be cagey about their disappearance and reappearance.
Often, they reappear when – to their disappointment – they’ve discovered that the person they left you for is far from the “perfect picture” that attracted them in the first place. They come back because they’ve realised that, although you’re not perfect, you’re a rare breed with flaws they are used to.
Yet still, their narcissism won’t allow them to turn to you permanently. They’ll string you along with false hope. They also come back to stroke their ego since – in their mind – you’re the lowest hanging fruit and a comfort zone they can leave and return to as they please.
They could be two-timing you
The reason you’re not their priority could be that you’re not the only person in their life. They’re probably cheating, but can’t meet the demands of time. Hence they can only accommodate you in shifts. They could just be stringing you along while looking for the “right one”.
Another harsh possibility is that they don’t consider you someone they can settle down with. And while they’re looking elsewhere, they’re happy to string you along. If they’re good with words, they will keep you in limbo. You won’t be in a relationship but you won’t be single either.
They could be having commitment-phobia
For many diverse reasons, some people are scared of settling down with one person for the rest of their life. While they may like having you around, they won’t necessarily commit to you.
They may fear that a relationship will trap them and limit all the freedoms they associate with singlehood. Those freedoms mean being able to stay out till late; being able to meet sexual desires with multiple partners; not being answerable to anybody for their deeds; being able to do as they please without fearing rebuke; and getting to mingle with new people every now and then.
It could furthermore be trust issues from hurts of previous relationships, or just their family background. It could also be fear of getting hurt, fear of having to invest too much emotionally and having to take the responsibility of a committed relationship.
They could also be feeling things are moving too fast
Some people like having things move at a slower pace. While they don’t mind a relationship, and may in fact quite like you, they could be sensing a level of desperation that scares them away.
They could be unsure about how they feel about you
They may want to be in a relationship with you one day and decide against it the next day only because they’re unsure about how they feel. Their uncertainty should be reason enough to not hope for their commitment because they are unsure what they actually want from you. And this is even scarier than telling you to your face that you’re an option to them and that they aren’t really looking to commit to you.
Our general attitude on a partner that appears and disappears over and over is that they are generally not looking to form anything permanent. Of course there are exceptions to everything. But they don’t always come back because they’ve missed you, or have changed their mind about you.
Don’t be impressed by their return next time. Rather than being drunk in love again, honestly determine if they’re really worth your time and effort. What are the chances that they’ll disappear again? Will you be able to handle it? Should you even place yourself in that position?
Even if you decide to give them yet another chance, you still owe it to yourself to put your walls up as well as set and affirm clear non-negotiable boundaries for yourself. This is an important part of self-respect. People have to earn having your heart. It’s your responsibility to let them know this by how you carry yourself, that you’re not cheap. When they reappear again, don’t act as if nothing happened.
We know many people, especially women, who are afraid to ask the big questions or say how they really feel. They worry that if they don’t hold back, he’ll just leave again. We’ve even seen few dating coaches recommending that if you really like the guy, just act like “nothing happened”, as you’ll only create drama and chase him away.
Well, to that we say, good riddance!
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, authenticity and integrity. Acting like nothing happened, like it didn’t hurt when they just vanished without a word is not authentic to a healthy relationship.
MO AND PHINDI | Your partner’s disappearance and reappearance is a sign of disrespect
You deserve someone who is sure about you
Image: 123RF
Now you see them, now you don’t. Maybe you like magic tricks, but when a person disappears and then comes back only to leave and reappear again it is frustrating, not entertaining. Even though they may not be a magician, they’re still going to be cagey about their disappearance and reappearance.
Often, they reappear when – to their disappointment – they’ve discovered that the person they left you for is far from the “perfect picture” that attracted them in the first place. They come back because they’ve realised that, although you’re not perfect, you’re a rare breed with flaws they are used to.
Yet still, their narcissism won’t allow them to turn to you permanently. They’ll string you along with false hope. They also come back to stroke their ego since – in their mind – you’re the lowest hanging fruit and a comfort zone they can leave and return to as they please.
They could be two-timing you
The reason you’re not their priority could be that you’re not the only person in their life. They’re probably cheating, but can’t meet the demands of time. Hence they can only accommodate you in shifts. They could just be stringing you along while looking for the “right one”.
Another harsh possibility is that they don’t consider you someone they can settle down with. And while they’re looking elsewhere, they’re happy to string you along. If they’re good with words, they will keep you in limbo. You won’t be in a relationship but you won’t be single either.
They could be having commitment-phobia
For many diverse reasons, some people are scared of settling down with one person for the rest of their life. While they may like having you around, they won’t necessarily commit to you.
They may fear that a relationship will trap them and limit all the freedoms they associate with singlehood. Those freedoms mean being able to stay out till late; being able to meet sexual desires with multiple partners; not being answerable to anybody for their deeds; being able to do as they please without fearing rebuke; and getting to mingle with new people every now and then.
It could furthermore be trust issues from hurts of previous relationships, or just their family background. It could also be fear of getting hurt, fear of having to invest too much emotionally and having to take the responsibility of a committed relationship.
They could also be feeling things are moving too fast
Some people like having things move at a slower pace. While they don’t mind a relationship, and may in fact quite like you, they could be sensing a level of desperation that scares them away.
They could be unsure about how they feel about you
They may want to be in a relationship with you one day and decide against it the next day only because they’re unsure about how they feel. Their uncertainty should be reason enough to not hope for their commitment because they are unsure what they actually want from you. And this is even scarier than telling you to your face that you’re an option to them and that they aren’t really looking to commit to you.
Our general attitude on a partner that appears and disappears over and over is that they are generally not looking to form anything permanent. Of course there are exceptions to everything. But they don’t always come back because they’ve missed you, or have changed their mind about you.
Don’t be impressed by their return next time. Rather than being drunk in love again, honestly determine if they’re really worth your time and effort. What are the chances that they’ll disappear again? Will you be able to handle it? Should you even place yourself in that position?
Even if you decide to give them yet another chance, you still owe it to yourself to put your walls up as well as set and affirm clear non-negotiable boundaries for yourself. This is an important part of self-respect. People have to earn having your heart. It’s your responsibility to let them know this by how you carry yourself, that you’re not cheap. When they reappear again, don’t act as if nothing happened.
We know many people, especially women, who are afraid to ask the big questions or say how they really feel. They worry that if they don’t hold back, he’ll just leave again. We’ve even seen few dating coaches recommending that if you really like the guy, just act like “nothing happened”, as you’ll only create drama and chase him away.
Well, to that we say, good riddance!
Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of honesty, trust, communication, authenticity and integrity. Acting like nothing happened, like it didn’t hurt when they just vanished without a word is not authentic to a healthy relationship.
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