Convicted Dros rapist Nicholas Ninow is testifying at the Pretoria high court before he is sentenced for raping a seven-year old girl at a Dros restaurant in Pretoria in September 2018.

Here's his testimony in eight quotes:

I was angry

“At the time, I didn't really care about anything. I was high for a few days so nothing really mattered to me, I was doing things with impulse and not really thinking about consequences. I guess I was angry and in that state, I made a mistake and I intentionally went out in that moment with that girl and I intentionally did those things to her.”

I was in a dark place

“My regret came to me too late. My regret came to me and I realised there was no emotion attached. I was angry. I was full of hatred, I was in a tough place in my life. Sober minded I would have never done such a thing to anyone, never mind a little child.” 

Ruined by drugs

“All my history of fights and violence had been caused by drugs and alcohol. It's been a part of my life, practically my entire life.”

I started using at a young age 

“The first time I used, if you consider marijuana as a drug, I was about 12. The first time I consumed it was with a bunch of older friends. But my first encounter with chemicals was with my mother. I was 13 years old.”

Relapse after rehab

“I finished my eight months in rehab, they believed I was ready to go out. After I left, it must have been three months later, I fell straight back into using again but it felt good being clean at the time.”

I've been told I'm worthless

“I'd given up on my life and believed what everyone was saying that I'm a worthless nobody. I believed them, even the inmates said the same thing. I get judged by inmates and guards in prison. I feel that I've lost at such a young age, that there is no turning back, there's no fixing it, so some days I give up.”

I apologise to my son and grandmother 

“I want to apologise to my son. He was born while I was in prison. I know how it's like growing up without a father. My grandmother is my idol, she is my role model and my entire life she's been showing me things that I couldn't see myself. She's always made me see the better parts of me.”

Apology to the victim

“Words can never describe how I feel. I would never be able to fix what I had done. She may never forgive, or forget the pain I would leave and for every regret, she'll awaken once again from the same bad dream [poem].”