Voting fodder wants to send the Prez to his cattle farm

Vera Columnist
Why the impatience with uBaba kaAndile when you were so chilled for Baba kaDuduzane, the writer asks.
Why the impatience with uBaba kaAndile when you were so chilled for Baba kaDuduzane, the writer asks.
Image: GCIS

Mzantsi people can be so dramatic, waitsi. A mere seven months ago they were queueing in their millions all over the country that should be called Azania to vote for Matamela Cyril Ramaphosa to be president, and now some want to send him packing to his Ankole cattle farm simple because his government can't keep the lights on?

Vera is not convinced. After all, these are the very same "masses" who tolerated nine years of a man who thought "a better life for all" means throwing billions of state money in the direction of his Gupta friends and favourite son.

So why the impatience with uBaba kaAndile when you were so chilled for Baba kaDuduzane?

Blowing with the wind

But McBuffalo naye can be such a letdown. For a guy who spent over 20 years nursing the pain of being "overlooked" for Madiba's successor, he has shown no signs of being presidential. Can't the guy make a decision and then stick with it.

What's with all the flip-flopping? Every time he announces a decision, Vera feels the urge to ask: "Is that your final answer, Mr President?" This is because a day or two later he is likely to change his mind. Who is really in charge at the Union Buildings? Vera wants to know.

Calling the shots

Could it be the new Mmusi Maimane, sorry, John Steenhuisen - the front man GodZille made leader after pushing out Moruti wa Dobsonville? It is not a stupid question. Didn't you see Steenhuisen and his sidekicks, Solly Msimanga, Ghaleb Cachalia and some other dude whose job was to hold Steenhuisen's umbrella, standing in front of Eskom headquarters and demanding that the Prez returns from Egypt and gets Pravin Gordhan and his friends to switch back the lights? What did the Prez do, he came back.

Ruin of a speech

Whether he runs the president or not, Steenhuisen must cool it with his cheezy lines during speeches.

Vera knows the guy never made it to a speech and drama lecture at varsity, or at any lecture for that matter, but even by matric standards this is not on: "While President Ramaphosa is currently in Egypt surrounded by ancient ruins from a bygone era, today we too stand in front of a ruin from a bygone era - South Africa's power producer that faces imminent collapse."

Bring back Maimane, Vera says, even as just a speech writer!

Shooting himself in the foot

But even Steenhuisen could not beat the Prez's performance once he landed back in the country and shot straight to Megawatt Park for a disaster of a press conference.

Who advises the president? Vera often asks herself. Really, what could have driven the man to count, among reasons for load-shedding, a "sabotage" incident that has not even been properly investigated?

There used to be a joke in ANC circles that if you wanted to spread a rumour, whisper it in the ear of then ANC Youth League president Julius Malema and he'll repeat it at a press conference and live on television.

Vera fears McBuffalo is the same.

Doing the Cuban shuffle

With all the load-shedding and floods, Mzantsi people have not fully digested the "breaking news story" of a former president who sneaked out of the Republic to "get treatment" in Cuba for what Vera suspects to be a case of selective amnesia.

Based on the story, the whole of the country would have thought the man would be in the Caribbean for a long time given the seriousness of his "condition". But thanks to a tjatjarag social media hack, pictures of him sneaking back to the country, on the very day his lawyers told the Zondo commission he could not submit papers because he was abroad, were all over Twitter. Vera wonders what deputy chief justice Zondo thinks of all of this.

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