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Why does it feel we're being led on a song and dance?

Vera Columnist
The writer has been left amazed by the u-turns and contrasting messages coming from the likes of ANC spokesperson Pule Mabe and his colleague, Ace Magashule.
The writer has been left amazed by the u-turns and contrasting messages coming from the likes of ANC spokesperson Pule Mabe and his colleague, Ace Magashule.
Image: Gallo Images/ Dino Lloyd

A runny chorus line

You simply can't make this stuff up. Mosebenzi Zwane has a choir, guys. A whole church choir!

According to evidence led at the Zondo commission this week, this Gupta acolyte, who once likened himself to a river, struggled to distinguish his job as an MEC from that of running a church choir.

So when a group of black small-scale farmers was supposed to be sent to India for training on dairy farming, Zwane decided to send his choir instead. But the choir did not last long in the subcontinent, the commission heard this week.

Why? Well, they had too much hot curry and their stomachs were running so much they nearly turned their hotel into a river of...

Midnight prowler

Whoever thought the removal of Jacob Zuma from the Union Buildings meant the end of press statements that are issued at midnight must have been mistaken.

On Wednesday night Vera went to bed having watched ANC spin doctor Pule Mabe expressing the party's full confidence in Derek Hanekom, an ANC national executive committee member who had been "outed" by Julius Malema as having conspired with the EFF to axe Msholozi in February last year.

But by the morning the party had changed its mind. It turns out that while Vera was having her beauty sleep, one Ace Magashule was busy crafting a long statement in which he called Hanekom a "wedge driver", "charlatan" and an "EFF sleeper" within the ANC.

Vera would not be surprised to hear Magashule was pressured to issue the statement at midnight by his ideological guru and lifetime president who lives somewhere between the uThukela River and the Nkandla forest.

Can't see the wood for the spies

It did not take long before Nkandla's most famous resident entered the fray following Malema's "revelation" about Hanekom.

"I'm not surprised @Julius_S_Malema revelations regarding @Derek_Hanekom. It is part of the plan I mentioned at the Zondo commission. @DerekHanekom is a known enemy agent", he tweeted.

Kahle bobaba, hold on! Hanekom, too? So every one of your comrades who opposed you was an apartheid spy?

Reading classes or glasses needed

And then there is that Msholozi fan by the name of Andile Lungisa, the former ANC Youth League leader whose claim to fame is that he spent millions of taxpayers' money on an international "kissing festival".

The Port Elizabeth politician, who is facing jail time for assaulting a DA councillor, made a fool of himself the other day when he misread a sentence in a book talking about Hanekom's successful infiltration of one of the apartheid state's institutions on behalf of the ANC.

To Lungisa, this was evidence that Hanekom had been an apartheid agent. Perhaps he should invest in reading glasses.

Your secret is safe with me

But Hanekom le yena! If you have to share secrets, who in their right minds shares secrets with Malema or any of his EFF commissars?

Even Vera knows that nothing stays in Juju's chest. One sight of TV cameras and microphones, he is ready to spill the beans. It is probably just a matter of time before he reveals to the world what he talks about with President Cyril Ramaphosa when they bump into each other in Hyde Park, Joburg.

Can't tell DA difference, Mmusi?

Hands up anyone who knows what the DA's position on public protector Busi Mkhwebane actually is. One moment they are at a police station laying a charge against Ramaphosa based on her report on Bosasa, the next they are demanding her removal from office and the next they say Ramaphosa will win his case against her in court.

i-DA ayisafani.

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