Editor's Letter: No longer afraid to fail

It’s the eve of my 34th birthday as I draft this. I’m sitting in the dark, frantically typing on my qwerty, and every chime, keystroke, and scroll provides me with a tiny glint of light. Has it finally happened? Is this my quarter-life crisis era? No, it’s just load-shedding. 

The Celebration issue — my anniversary edition — is always endearing and nostalgic to me. I remember it like it was yesterday — stepping into my role as editor-in-chief two years ago. At first, it felt like any other career triumph, but when the congratulatory messages came flooding in, I knew the pressure was on. “What have I gotten myself into?” I quietly wondered.  

I’m now lying flat on my back and staring at the ceiling, the room is still pitch black and I continue to have a full conversation with myself. Surely, if I were an empath, I could miraculously switch on the lights with my superpower brain (that’s how random I am)? In my defence, I’ve been binge-watching sci-fi series Gen Z on Prime. I’m more convinced that this is how a quarter-life crisis feels like, right? No, relax, you are just too lazy to switch on the rechargeable lights. 

Reflecting on the past 24 months, a pivotal question pops into my mind — have you ever thrived when you thought you might crash and burn?

When I first stepped into this role, I had doubts — I can now admit this without shame. It wasn’t that I felt inadequate, but I comprehended the devotion to excellence that came with it. It wasn’t imposter syndrome, but a fear of failure.  

My approach to helming this magazine has been the same from day one — to reflect the world that I see. I was set on that from the get-go. In my three decades on Earth, I’ve often been made to feel that my worldview is not enough. So, I was open to that kind of rejection once again.

As a young reporter, I was constantly told that my work was “too nice”. While that criticism was not malicious, it was endemic in my progress as a junior. You can imagine someone full of dreams hearing that — it broke me. I even tried to change to meet expectations.  

Feeling that misunderstood was nothing new. Growing up in a secluded Limpopo village, I had a wonderful upbringing. But I was forced into being introverted because art, perspective, and creativity were not understood by my parents, relatives, peers, and community. Three things brought me solace — fashion, pop culture, and words. In my teens, confined to the four walls of my room, I found artistic expression.  

I will always be introverted and it’s hard to explain, because many experience me as sociable, outgoing, and confident, which I am. But, at my core, I’m energised by being alone. I treasure my solo time. 

I now fully understand what David Bowie meant when he said: “If you feel safe in the area you’re working in, you’re not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you’re capable of being in. Go a little bit out of your depth. And when you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting.” 

Welcome to our annual Celebration issue. The first toast is to myself, because I’m no longer afraid to fail. I’ve never felt as seen and understood in my life; for that I thank SMaggers. I honour our loyal readers for making SMag a barometer of the cultural zeitgeist, youthquake, and style. We exist because you embrace us.   

We are also proud of winning Media Award of the Year at the Feather Awards XV. 

The issue is anchored by a new vanguard of “It” stars on the small screen — Noxolo Dlamini, Prince Grootboom, and Hellen Motsuki. Handpicking them was easy, as they blossomed in 2023. 

After two straight years of shooting our covers in studio, cabin fever struck. We sought a change of scenery, a breath of air. Ke summer bosso! And so, we soaked up the sun while chilling poolside at Villa Simonne Boutique Hotel in Houghton, Joburg. Zibig dayz are here, happy holidays!