Ed's letter: I’m becoming my mother, welp!

Welp, I’m becoming my mother and I’m loving it!

For almost 20 years I had dreadlocks, but then, during the COVID-19 pandemic, I cut them off. My mom was never a fan of the beehive mop and every chance she got she would express her disdain.

It was payback, after all — throughout my preadolescent years she’d always given me a smooth chiskop — not even a cool fade haircut. I had the shiniest head in primary school, you could probably see your reflection in it. She loved it, I hated it. She always said I was pretty like a girl; it drove me up the wall. The Lex Luthor I saw in Smallville was not pretty; the villain is never fetching.    

Yes, my initials are ET, but I didn’t want to look extra-terrestrial. She loved to stare at my heart-shaped face and those goofy ears with massive flaps. So, in my early teens, my first taste of independence and rebellion was to grow my hair — the fact that it infuriated her was a bonus.

It was the era of TV series Backstage, and all the cool kids had dreadlocks — Vusi (RIP Sibusiso Radebe), Tendai (Dini Nondumo), and Chippa (Loyiso Mangena). Then there was Parsons (Tshepo Maseko) on Isidingo; even Goku on Dragon Ball Z had spiky locks

Now 33, I recently had an epiphany and finally understood why she adored her little boy (read pretty girl) with a bald head. More on that later.

After cutting off the dreadlocks, throughout lockdown I buried my image in hats — caps, fedoras, bucket hats, berets, beanies; I had a whole closetful. Then, when lockdown regulations relaxed in the spring, it felt like a rebirth and I was bold enough to try something new.

So, I went wild by bleaching my hair in edgy shades — silver, platinum, grey, lavender. I felt like a rock star — I’d always admired Sisqó and Dennis Rodman growing up. I was in my “bad b*tch” era.  

After more than a year of doing that non-stop, last December I experienced an unpleasant chemical burn. I opted to give my hair a break and returned to mother’s favourite hairstyle, chiskop.  It was now time for my grootman era. 

During the first half of the year, I got reacquainted with my childhood self and confronted the man in the mirror. I’ve always been told I look more like my late dad, who rocked a funky Afro as his signature. But, as I looked at myself in the mirror, it dawned on me (ten past four) that, with no hair, I was the exact image of my mother. I chuckled. I’d become my mom and I was loving it.  

When I visited her in Limpopo just after Easter, her face lit up when I greeted her. “There is that pretty face that I haven’t seen in years.” I immediately rolled my eyes. I tried, it still triggered me, but it also warmed my heart, taking me back to when she’d walk me to pre-school and wave goodbye as she turned back.

The nostalgia lasted five minutes. When I attended the Durban July a month ago, I thought it had been cute while it lasted, but it was time to return to bleached hair — after all, blonds have more fun. Sorry, mom! Leave it to tropical Durban to awaken the inner demons. I’m now in my Lenny Kravitz era — fur coat, G-Star RAW denim, pierced nipples, rainbow nails, tattoos out. Did I mention I’d lost some weight too? I haven’t felt this cute in a minute.  

While I love looking like you, mom, what will always stay with me is the courage and bravery you’ve given me to be my authentic self. I’m proud If I can be even half as fearless as you. I am today because you sacrificed a lot with integrity – both as a mother and as a woman.  

Equally, the six honourees for this year’s Women of the Year issue — Nomzamo Mbatha, Tracey Naledi, Ponahalo Mojapelo, Tobeka Lwana, Mathebe Molise, and Kgothatso Montjane — inspire me. While all of them are at different stages in their lives, their stories of success and of overcoming adversity show that the power of womanhood is broad, nuanced, and unbreakable.  

I also celebrate the women of SMag, who work tirelessly around the clock to ensure that we deliver a great publication. They are Masego Seemela, Nombuso Kumalo, Nokubonga Thusi, Sharon Armstrong, Anna Lineveldt, Iolandi Pool, Elizabeth Sleith, and Suzy Josephson.  

SMaggers, also help me congratulate our ace reporter Seemela, nominated for Entertainment Journalist of the Year at the second annual Basadi in Music Awards. The winner will be announced this month — bring it back home.