Everyone knows what they want from relationships
I came across a blog the other day titled "why dating as a millennial is so screwed up". The author, Andrea Wesley, makes a few detailed points.
However, the two points from the piece stuck out for me, namely, "We're in competition of who can care the least" and "We're overloaded with options".
Even though all the points that the writer makes are valid and very much relevant, the above mentioned two in particular were the highlight.
It is because even though we know that these things happen, we somehow have never acknowledged it.
We enter relationships already with high walls and our guards up. We want to be loved. However, are not willing to show "too much" emotion, oh and God forbid be the first to say "I love you". Because more often than not you might be the first to end up hurt, or at least that's what we think.
Not too long ago a hashtag was trending on the twitter streets, hashtag "umjolo was fun when" (dating was fun when).
It wasn't long until I realised that most of the people that took part in the conversation knew exactly what they wanted in love and out of a relationship. However, if you already know what you want then what is so difficult about finding that love?
Would you get what you want out of the relationship if we weren't so apprehensive about sharing our feelings and actually "caring"?
Should we not give it 100% anyway, despite whether or not your partner will reciprocate that?
I mean, if you love wholeheartedly and voice out your expectations, if the person is not willing to love you right then you can walk away knowing that you gave it your best shot and you are not the problem.
Being overloaded with options also forms part of the problem a lot of us have when it comes to finding the right type of love.
Being a generation that is definitely proactive on social media, our romantic relations have broadened.
Gone are the days when being able to meet someone meant literally being outside and finding the love of your life in the street, in the bar or at church.
Now we have possible suitors in the DMs and inboxes, with the likes of Instagram, Facebook and numerous dating sites at our disposal.
The mindset that if it doesn't work out with one, I can try the other five people that have "shot their shot" in the inbox. All this technology does come in handy, but what happens when all these options become the reason we don't want to emotionally invest with anyone? As much as you may have 10 people vying for your attention and time, your prospective partner would also have twice the amount of people in his inbox as well. Hence the most common question when starting a new relationship is, "Am I the only one you're currently talking to?"
What I love about us, millennials, though, is no matter how much we try to fight it, the reality is we all still want love.
The only difference is we want to rewrite what love means or what a "happily ever after" is to each one of us.
We take our time settling because deep down we know what our worth is. We are also not afraid of being unconventional and chose to write our own narratives on being with the "perfect somebody". For instance, answering that inbox and taking the chance, eventually allowing yourself to say, "I love you too".
And maybe we aren't that screwed up after all.
-Moselakgomo is a young woke African social activist.
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