After losing two loved ones, comedian Eugene Khoza slipped into a dark place, resulting in a five-year hiatus from the public eye as he picked up the pieces.

Khoza lost his son five years ago and then last year he lost his best friend Moyikwa Sisulu – who was the first producer to give him his first big break on television.

The last five years was about mental and emotional healing for the Pretoria-born comedian.   

“The stillness of the pandemic forced me to face a lot of issues I didn’t want to face. I used it as my time to reflect and deflect, but I was unaware that I’d shut everything and everyone out,” Khoza says.

“Some losses are permanent – I tried to overcome the pain I felt in 2015 but when my friend Moyikwa passed away last year, a week after my son’s fifth death anniversary that became the nail to the coffin of all the hurt I felt.

“I lost a friend I used to go on a lot of adventures with overseas and someone who I’d have long conversations with. He also gave me my very first big television break after seeing me perform at a comedy club – that show ended up being a great escape for me because I got to travel the world while covering soccer events… that’s how our friendship grew. So, the loss was way too painful.”    

Now that he has picked up the pieces, Khoza is making his comeback with a one-man show Step Aside at Gold Reef City Lyric Theatre this Friday.  

“My mother was one of the few people who realised there was something wrong with me… that I wasn’t acting like myself. I remember her sitting me down and pointing it out – she told me to do what I have to come back to myself and who I am,” Khoza remembers.

“She would often tell me that my superpower is having the ability to start all over, which she noted that I was good at since I was a child.

"While some people are blessed to have wealth or health in their family, I am blessed to have such wisdom in my mother who has been instrumental in me finding myself again.”  

During his sabbatical, Khoza moved from Johannesburg, where he resided for most of his 14-year career. He relocated to Gqeberha. He got an epiphany a couple of months ago where he felt he needed to honour Moyikwa, who would have wanted him to continue his life as a comedian.

“For a long time I never appreciated how good I am at stand-up comedy, but now I do. Comedy gave me so much… that five-year sabbatical helped me appreciate all that,” he shares.      

“One thing people need to know is that comedians are not sad people, they are introspective. Because of people’s expectations about comedians, they often box us into things we don’t even fit in.

“Mental health is such a serious topic and I believe black men aren’t having the greatest time right now. It almost feels like black men are being hard on by the community.

"We often get these tags that demotivate us… in all of this, we are losing a lot of our fathers, brothers, and sons to suicide because of this. We as men are not allowed to be weak, cry or talk… we are often overlooked when it comes to our emotions or whatever we are in.”

The 41-year-old is a devoted father to his 14-year-old daughter Buhle, who has helped him become more “sensitive and attentive".

“I’ve found that I don’t like commitment because I am already committed to other things in my life, being my career and fatherhood... obligating to relationships requires a lot which I found out was not me,” he says.  

“Whenever you raise a child, you always think about the things you bring to a child’s life which is a responsibility in itself. So, everything that you do or whomever you bring to your world automatically falls into their world, so I have been very mindful of that for the past seven years of living with her.

Khoza admits that he felt guilty about being in a dark place because Buhle ended up depriving herself of scheduling fun dates with her mother, friends and other family members due to the fear that her father would be all alone with no one to keep him company.

"One of the poignant things she said to me was that one day she had to go to her mom’s place, she felt sad about it because she knew I’d be in the same place as she left me," he remembers.

"I realised then that she was starting to take care of me more than I was taking care of her. This was because I wasn’t working anymore, I wasn’t hanging around with my friends as much as I used to nor was I social. With her saying all of this, it made me realise I needed to go out there and explore life again. My daughter taught me to let go and live life again."