Actor Simphiwe “Simz” Ngema believes the public scrutiny on how Babes Wodumo should mourn her husband is unfair and uncalled for.   

Ngema has come to Babes Wodumo’s defence after the recent backlash the Gqom singer received for how she is grieving her late husband Mandla “Mampintsha” Maphumulo. The Big Nuz member died on December 24 after suffering a stroke.

Since the death of her husband, Babes has sparked a big debate on social media. This after she was seen dancing to Big Nuz’s hit song Ngeke at Mampintsha’s funeral in Durban last month.

A day after the funeral, Babes performed at a New Year’s Eve party, which split the opinion of many regarding her actions.

Although many people don’t quite understand Babes Wodumo’s actions, Ngema has called for the public to be more lenient and understanding to young widows as she too became a widow at 28 when she lost her husband Dumi Masilela in an attempted hijacking in 2017.

“It’s important for me to speak out for widows because it’s something that I personally went through. At the time I was grieving Dumi, there were just a few people who stood up for me when the public was nitpicking how I was grieving,” says Ngema.

“People forget that when you’ve lost a loved one, particularly your partner, you go through the pain and just because you chose to be strong and move forward with your life doesn’t mean the pain is no longer there and that you’re not grieving.

 “We need to let Babes grieve in her own way. Looking distraught does not always mean that you’re grieving. She is a young widow and we are often taught how to mourn like older widows and not necessarily given the tools of mourning your husband as a young person.”

Ngema explains that grieving a partner entails a great deal more than people can comprehend. “You are not only grieving your partner, but you’re also grieving the life you both had, the dreams you both shared, and half of who and what you were with this specific person.”

While it’s been over five years since the death of her husband, Ngema explains that the grieving process takes time and has many facets to it.

“There’s no time frame as to when you’ll stop grieving. I take each day as it comes… I still have days where I feel like I’m going to drown in my own tears and there are days where I feel like I miss Dumi but I am strong.

“There’s no day that goes by without me thinking about Dumi. At times I would see the car we wanted to buy and the house we wanted to live in and I’d think about him.”

Despite her loss, Ngema has learnt to pick herself up and move on with her life. She is currently working on a production that she had to remain mum about– this marks her return to acting after a hiatus from television.

“Yes, people see you have a baby with someone else or are in a relationship and automatically think that you’re over the grieving process but that’s not the case. You just learn to live through your pain.

“I’m glad about the career path that I chose. I’ve had so many highlights in my career but the one that stands out the most is being on a show called The Game at just 16 years old. I acted alongside big names such as Sindi Dlathu, Leleti Khumalo and Mary Twala… being new to the game, I loved how these women received me and how they mentored me. I was so blessed to have those women in my life so early in my career,” says the 33-year-old actor.