JZ brought to book again, as Zodwa calms the masses
Vera knows there is never a dull moment in this beautiful country of ours, but even she feared what would become of us once the herdboy from the kingdom of a thousand hills left for good.
We have all been coping, somewhat, since uBaba kaDuduzane was sent packing - kicking and screaming - to spend the rest of his days with MaKhumalo, provided they haven't ordered orange overalls for him already.
Buffalo and his false dawn have somewhat kept us gainly occupied but ubaba has been lurking somewhere in the shadows - nothing new there, he's always been a shady character as we are all aware by now.
uBaba ka ANN7
Anyway, our hero has lived a life Vera imagines many presidents probably fantasise about. Governments like spreading propaganda, and therefore hardly keep their paws off the media, hence the appetite to control such crucial instruments as a national broadcaster.
PW Botha had his infamous red telephone which legend has it he would dial to rearrange the news bulletin at the SAUK. The pipe-smoking fella had a snuki planted in the belly of the beast.
But the peasant from Nkandla trumped them all by having the SABC under a permanent dark Hlaud(i) and topped it all by getting to name a TV channel and design the logo, all the while moonlighting as a president.
And all along we thought all he was good at was singing and making babies.
The juicy details of uBaba kaDuduzane's hitherto unknown talents came to light with the release this week of a tell-all book released by a former Gupta functionary revealing how our great thinker came up with the name ANN7.
Name dropping Nkandla-style
He also got to name the people he fancied to play with the toy. That's how the Native Formerly Known as Jimmy found himself in the manyi - oops money! - when ubaba forwarded his name to Saxonwold.
Folks, that's how you create a spaza media mogul - ubaba uyamthanda is all the qualification you need and voila! Have faith in radical economic transformation.
Zodwa wethu somlandela
Elsewhere in Mzansi life went on and we shall therefore be grateful for such characters as Zodwa wa Bantu.
She who has declared a one-lass war on underwear reportedly made calls this week for calm over her deportation from Zambia. She was sent packing before she could appear at a nightclub there to do whatever it is that she does for a living.
Zodwa ordered her no-doubt horny army of followers not to visit any harm on Zambians in SA over her deportation ... Ja neh?!
Vera is still trying to figure out what it is that Zodwa does. Whatever it is, is it worth it for people to have their knickers in a knot for someone who sees no use for the garment?
Then there was that video of a home affairs official "multitasking" making the rounds on social media. The honourable minister was outraged and demanded answers.
Vera suspects the Gupta's citizenship application forms passed through this madam's hands, hence the minister's confusion about their citizenship. But more importantly, Vera believes the first thing the minister will ask this official when he grills her is: "Haven't you heard of Candy Crush?"