7 things you need to know about: food trends that need to die now

Image: 123RF/magiceyes

What is the point of food trends? If something is delicious, leave it alone and enjoy it. If something is disgusting, no amount of rainbow coloured sprinkles is going to perk it up. But year after year some silly fool in the food industry comes up with a plan they think will sell their schlock to the masses.

1. Places that have to explain ‘how the menu works.’

I’m pretty certain its food, price, food, price, food price.

2. Green juice

Beloved of millennials, yogi’s, vegans and yuppies ‘green juice’ is the cross-over success seen as a miracle elixir capable of alkalizing! Detoxifying! Boosting metabolism! Curing Hangovers! The truth is that green juice is just juice. And unless it tastes really bitter, its more fruit than leafy greens, which in turn means its packed full of sugar. Drink it if you enjoy juice, but if you have functioning kidneys then congratulations, you are detoxifying yourself right now.

3. Smoothie bowls

No. Just no. Cold morning soup that’s neither liquid nor solid is gross enough, but honestly, who eats like this? Who is carving figs, marking mermaid swirls, layering orange slices with the skin still on them. Whole cherries with stems and pips intact. Dragonfruit stars. Have you ever made one? Me neither. Nobody actually eats like this.

4. Super Foods

Should be known as cool-new-foods-from far-flung-places-that-are-not-unhealthy. Prime culprits are Chia seeds (South America), Goji berries (China), Quinoa (South America). These foods are not bad for you, but there is differentiation between healthy foods and super foods. Superfoods are just cool on Instagram. There is no super food that will magically cure you of an ongoing shoddy diet or improve your already health diet so much that you live forever. Learn about basic nutrition and seasonal eating, all food is super.

Image: 123RF/ Baiba Opule

5. Activated Charcoal

It tastes like nothing. It feels like sand in your mouth. It is doing nothing for you in a burger bun or an ice cream. It is hipster food colouring. Your body already detoxifies itself, it is, in fact amazing at that. It is expensive ground up burnt wood. Your money is literally going up in flames. 

6. Freak-shakes

Instagram, you are too blame again. I’m sorry but all of these look like someone else’s child’s art project. Also they are a freezing gloopy mess, likely to topple any moment.

7. Rainbow Food

Do you think food dye is bad? Preservatives? Artificial ingredients? E numbers? Oh you do! So then what about this is appealing? Everyone knows that we should be eating less of these things, but somehow if you put the word ‘unicorn’ or ‘rainbow’ on it, peoples brain short circuit and suddenly additives are in. To make anything so vividly hued these foods are nuked with artificial things. I’m sorry, but there was nothing wrong with a grilled cheese or a cake that it needed such a garish make over.  

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