Yesterday, my firstborn turned three months. Truly, he is a happy bundle of joy and the apple of his parents’ eyes. According to our customs and traditions, he is now eligible to go to church, go to the mall, visit the grandparents and just go anywhere with his mom and dad without any worries.

I also hope this great milestone means one will be getting more sleep, and that the little one also sleeps longer and stops waking up in the middle of the night, randomly, to talk gibberish. Moreover, this also means there won’t be anyone insisting that he wears layers and layers of clothes.

As I reflect, I realise that the blessing that is a newborn child can quickly cause divisions and fights in families if people don’t communicate properly; from the elders with experience, to the new mom and dad who need guidance and support. If you are a regular reader of this column, you will realise this is part 2 of a piece I wrote on October 21 2022, headlined: Laws and traditions restricting fathers from newborns need to be reviewed. 

Three months later, a part of me is grateful for some of the restrictions imposed on first-time parents.

Most of these rules that come with our cultural norms are not supposed to be questioned, and that is even more frustrating to a modern man like me. But when we were advised not to expose the child to everyone, I took it further to even not share his name with the world until yesterday. I believe that, more than anything, a picture of him on WhatsApp or Instagram will attract less trouble than a big part of his identity, his name.

So, the one thing I fully welcomed was to adhere to not exposing anything about our bundle of joy to the outside world. I cannot imagine a child being exposed to every Tom, Dick, Harry, and Sizwe. Their fragile body and soul should really be preserved. And I learnt that babies are sensitive.

With the little man, Morategi Chabalala, having celebrated three months of being on this planet, this means my wife can now be freed from staying indoors for over three months, and only leaving the house when there is an emergency or taking the child to the clinic and hospital for immunisations and a check-up with the paediatrician.

Closer to his birth, I was frustrated by the endless list of “do-nots” that our elders provided. It is almost as though we had to go into hiding with the child. But, guess who suffers the most during this period of “do-nots”? It is a black woman, whose greatest sin was to give birth to a child. In our case, my wife.

There are a lot of expectations regarding the new mother. She is expected to navigate the new mothering role while burdened by restrictive parenting practices. It is like being blindfolded and being left at the door of a new mansion house with no less than 10 bedrooms and you are expected to have a bedroom with your name stuck on the door.

For almost four months, my wife hasn’t been to a mall or gone out with friends for a drink or a catch-up session. Because she has to be home with our child. As for me, many of the rules do not apply to me directly.

I still get to live my life, mostly as I know it. I saw the frustrations in her eyes, I felt the deep sighs and the longing to be out there and be a normal human being again. But that was not to be. She became a master of online shopping. The one great thing that came out of that is this: She doesn’t think she will ever go back to physically shopping for groceries at a supermarket. Apparently, online supermarkets and deliveries-at-the-door services are the best things after sliced bread.

So, there was a glimpse of hope on this dark cloud of what a new mom should or should not do. One could ask: Why did we choose to obey these rules, especially in our case where we eventually decided that we need to find a rhythm with our child as a nuclear family?

Well, questioning and defying the elderly can sometimes backfire, especially if something horrible and unimaginable could happen to the child. You will live in regret, and that is not nice. So, to keep the peace, we unhappily obliged. It is a mere three months to someone, but at some point, it felt unending, and it surely came with its own challenges and great moments.

Above all, a child is truly a blessing, a rejuvenating source of joy. His presence has changed our lives for the better. And in the spirit of New Year’s resolutions and plans, I commit to being a great partner to my wife, and a good father to my child. Happy New Year!