A Christmas miracle: Phumeza and Mnqobi “Shota” Mdabe's love story

Third time is a charm for celebrity couple Phumeza and Mnqobi “Shota” Mdabe

The meeting

Phumeza: I had been looking for a record deal for about two years and eventually found it with Universal Music in 2007, and they were tasked with producing my album. They then referred me to Mnqobi, who was to be responsible for that.

Shota: My first interaction with Phumeza was not a nice experience, because I was swamped with work. At the time I was a lecturer during the day and at night I’d do all the music-production work. With Universal Music being a very big company with a lot of artists, you can imagine the amount of work I had.

The lightbulb moment

Phumeza: The first few months we were both driven by work more than anything. My main focus at the time was to see my first record deal come to fruition. It wasn’t so serious until I asked for clearance from Universal to be signed under Shota Music. This was where the real commitment started, because I was the first artist to be signed to Mnqobi’s record label. After a year or so, we realised how serious things were getting, in terms not only of feelings but of contracts as well. 

Shota: We would try a few songs and they wouldn’t turn out as we expected. When we’d finally land on the right song we both liked, we’d start hugging. We also shared intimate details about our lives and, slowly but surely, we started falling for each other.

The proposal

Phumeza: Mnqobi proposed to me in 2012. He had been asking for me a year whether I was ready to get married. That December, my family was pressurising me to come back home [Eastern Cape]. At the time, I didn’t understand why everyone was making a big fuss about us cooking and getting our home in order… I mean, it was shortly after Christmas, so generally, no festivities take place after that. To my surprise, Mnqobi’s uncles were at the gate to ask my father for my hand in marriage.

Shota: It wasn’t my intention to surprise Phumeza; I just thought our relationship was quite unique and exciting. She first became my friend with whom I travelled to gigs and toured the country.

Negotiations

Shota: I paid lobola for Phumeza twice. The first one, in 2012, went well and my father was still alive. The second lobola took place in June this year, 10 years later.

Phumeza: We conducted two lobola negotiations because we found out that we had been on the wrong side of the family — neither of our fathers had gone through the process of marrying our mothers traditionally. So, for the most part, the second time around was to overturn and correct that. In 2014, things started going down for us. We needed to sort all that out and get married afresh, so he had to take out lobola again, but this time on the right side of the family.

Home affairs

Phumeza: After our lobola negotiations in 2012, we went to Home Affairs and signed documents that stated that we were legally married. We went back home and threw a small braai for our immediate friends and family. The intention at the time was to have a big wedding once we were both comfortable financially.

The white wedding

Phumeza: Initially, we weren’t going for a typical white wedding, but it ended up being that. Of all three weddings, the one that felt special was the last one, because it was the final straw. We couldn’t believe we’d done all these weddings in two weeks. We were stressed and tired leading up to the white wedding. But because we knew it was the finale, we chose to party and enjoy the time with our family and friends.

Shota: I was the happiest. I felt that finally things were done the right way, as was our marriage.

Top tips

Phumeza: Make sure you are marrying in the right side of your family, otherwise you’re creating a world of problems. And make sure you have a wedding planner — I thought I could handle everything, but being Miss “Our Perfect Wedding” didn’t come through as I’d thought. It was a bad idea, because I was too overwhelmed. Make sure your family understand it’s your day and not theirs. It’s your day to be treated like a princess and they need to respect that. And always keep calm, even if things don’t go your way, it all works out in the end. 

Shota: Make sure you’re aligned. Don’t marry your woman into the wrong family, it’s not going to work. As a man, make sure to consult with the elders about your roots and culture. Ask them how things are done and how to take your woman’s hand in marriage.