Different forms of change come with unique challenges

Change is inevitable and so is the impact it has on our lives.

How we adapt to it sets the tone for how we respond to any eventuality that comes with it.

Occupational therapist and hospital manager at Netcare Akeso George Belinda Campher says change can often be stressful and may require adjustment time.

“Various types of change can seem overwhelming but may also present valuable opportunities for personal growth.

“Whether you have been actively seeking change or it has been imposed upon you, there are unique challenges that come with different forms of change,” says Campher.

She says typical life changes may include pivotal transitions in a person’s work or studies, relationships, or family dynamics, moving home or relocating, loss of a loved one or significant health diagnoses.

“Change and the uncertainty it brings are part of life, and resisting change will not make it any easier. Change is normal and adjusting to it comes naturally to most people, however, major transitions may mean letting go of the life you are accustomed to and embracing a new one.

“If a transition is intensely challenging, it can destabilise our thoughts and emotions, leaving us feeling overwhelmed and distressed,” she says.

Sowetan Spirit put a few questions to Campher around change.

Q: Is there anything like good or bad change? What is the difference?

A: Change, in any of its forms, is not a good thing or a bad thing.  It just ‘is’. Change may force us out of unhealthy or tired habits and impose better ones upon us. Change can also be stressful, costly and even destructive. What is important about change is how we think about it, since that will determine how we anticipate and react to the changes that present itself in our lives.

Q: What are some of the anxieties associated with change whether good or bad? 

A: Our nervous system primes us to deal with the familiar. It needs time to adjust when we experience something new and that adjustment process involves distressing emotions, including anxiety, grief and fear. Even if it is a good change, we find ourselves in new territory and there are parts of us that will experience worry that we might not be able to be successful in the unfamiliar circumstances.

Q: How can one overcome these anxieties? 

A: The key to dealing with these feelings in a healthy way is to acknowledge and work through them. By not avoiding, but actually facing and going toward these feelings is what help us move through any period of change.

Q: How can others be supportive through a loved one’s journey? 

A: When we are not equipped to support loved ones through difficult transitions in their lives, our discomfort may compel us to point out a bright side or offer a simple solution, which may come across as dismissive. Putting ourselves in someone else’s shoes and treating people the way we would want to be treated ourselves, are generally useful principles, yet they are not always the most effective way of cultivating compassion. It is hard to imagine how you would feel when finding yourself in a situation you have not actually been in, and people differ in what they find comforting.

• Ask them how they are feeling;
• Listen non-judgementally and attentively to their response, without interrupting or offering advice;
• Show them that you are willing to understand and express kindness and validation for what they are going through;
• Ask them how you can support them and resist to jumping into problem-solve mode;
• Check in to see if they are suicidal – even though bringing it up may feel uncomfortable, research shows that asking about suicide is unlikely to harm people and may benefit them in tough times; and
• Reassure them – realistically. Statements like “It could be worse.” Or “Everything will work out fine” or “You just need to think positive” are rarely helpful. Rather, try saying things like “I am here for you no matter what”, or “I have seen you get through very tough times before and I believe in you.” There is no perfect thing to say in difficult situations, but we can support each other by opening dialogue, listening with the goal of understanding, and expressing compassion and kindness.

Q: Is there any form of mental preparedness one can get when faced with such situations? Please also give examples of what one can do to do this. 

A: Prepare for change by understanding that any form of change is complex and uncomfortable. Prepare for change by planning. Make sure that you know your own definition for success, what recourses are available to you, create a plan of action and put a contingency plan in place. Prepare for change by embracing positivity. Take the time to visualise your dream and notice when you are slipping into negative thoughts and emotions. Prepare for change by being ready for a fight to pursue your goals and dreams. Prepare for change by learning healthy coping skills – being compassionate with yourself, prioritising self-care, celebrating the wins and counting on a solid support network.

“Knowing how to cope with the curveballs life throws at you, is therefore a crucial life skill. Embracing change in a positive way helps us to become stronger and more resilient. Managing change in life is key to personal growth and enables you to live a life where you are thriving, rather than just surviving,” Campher says.

She offers the following tips for coping with change to build a life worth living:

• Understand and accept the limits of what you can control and what is beyond your control. Focus your energy and efforts constructively rather than becoming stuck in anger and denial.
• Practise good self-care. Get plenty of sleep, eat a balanced diet, and feel the benefits of physical exercise.
• Embrace healthy coping skills. Fun activities such as listening to music, spending time in nature, reading a good book or playing with a pet are good for your wellbeing, and can reduce your stress levels.
• Cut out unhealthy coping skills. If you have been turning to activities or habits that do more harm than good, make a conscious effort to cut back.
• Seek meaningful connections and support. Spend time with family and friends who are good for you.
• Let go of your regrets. Regrets can hold you back in life. Looking back at the past may cause you to miss the opportunities change presents for the future.
• Practise self-compassion. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion as you would a loved one going through a challenging time in their life.
• The gift of gratitude. With reflection you may discover a greater appreciation for what you do have and what remains constant in your life during a period of change.

“To create a life that we do not feel we need to escape from – a life worth living – we need to be proactive about how we manage the changes we face in our lives. However, sometimes, adjusting can be so daunting and overwhelming that it leads to an adjustment disorder.

“This may happen when the stress associated with change exceeds your resources for coping, and your reaction becomes disproportionate to the event. Consider seeking professional mental health support if you are struggling to cope with change,” Campher says.

She says if you’re not coping, seek proper treatment from a therapist or psychiatrist who can help you manage the condition and learn the skills you need to cope with change and future life transitions.   

mashabas@sowetan.co.za