How to help victims of GBV break the cycle of abuse

SA’s latest crime statics give a grim view of a growing trend of assaults, rapes and attempted murders against women. 

Those who survive the brutal attacks are left to pick up the pieces while trying to figure out how to deal with the burden of trauma. Sowetan spoke to counsellors and psychologists on how we can help those around us survive the pain.

Social worker Nthabiseng Madikgetla said when helping a victim of GBV the key is to identify what is keeping them in the relationship.

"Unless the victim identifies what is keeping them in the relationship, it is difficult to help them break the cycle. For example, if the victim cannot leave because they do not have a place to go, providing them with an alternative place to stay can empower the victim to leave,” Madikgetla said.

"In cases where a victim is unable to leave the abusive relationship due to threats, we can support them by helping them to explore their legal options or finding a safe place."

She said it is important to note that there is very little that family and friends can do to assist unless the affected individual has made up their mind to leave.

Madikgetla said people stay in abusive relationships for different reasons such as financial dependence on the abuser, fear of being attacked, or staying for the sake of the children.

“It is this pattern of thought and the hope that the abuser will change that keeps the victim in the cycle of abuse. It is important to note that the longer the victim stays, the harder it is to leave,” she said.

Family and friends can help by creating a safe space for them to resolve these uncomfortable emotions. Madikgetla advised that we encourage the survivor to focus on their healing and provide practical support were necessary such as taking care of the children, arranging outings and accompanying them to court.

Psychologist Asnath Mojapelo warned that abusers are usually cunning and manipulative, so knowing the signs of a possible abusive situation can guide us in helping those we care about. These can include signs such as isolating the victim, controlling their movements or bruises on the body.

Mojapelo said once you suspect that your loved one is in abusive relationship, talk to them about it gently without being judgmental. If they decide to leave or open a case, make sure not to blame them for staying in the situation for longer than they should have.

“The best thing is to show them love so they can be free to ventilate. Making sure that they see a psychologist will also help them heal,” Mojapelo said.

Clinical psychologist Mzamo Mbuli said victims of abuse are likely to end up becoming abusive towards others if they do not get help.

"Processing trauma via support groups, counselling and psychotherapy is important. So it is important for us to encourage victims to seek professional help," Mbuli said

mahopoz@sowetan.co.za 

sibiyan@sowetan.co.za