It was only a few months ago that we bid an emotional farewell to our beloved motorsport star Gugu Zulu, who died on Mount Kilimanjaro during a charity drive.

South Africa watched as a teary Letshego Zulu, his widow, made a moving speech at the memorial service, leaving not one dry eye in the auditorium.

Letshego has since been doing her best to cope with the loss, and she poured her heart out during a recent interview with Anele Mdoda on SABC3's Real Talk with Anele, breaking her silence about the emotional turmoil she has been going through for the first time on camera.

However, while many people's hearts went out to Letshego during her interview, some were not as empathetic.

The spotlight on social media focused on why Letshego did the interview in the first place, and that it was too soon for her to be out and about. Some lambasted her for wearing a bright yellow jacket, as opposed to wearing all black, while others had a gripe with her head being uncovered. She was pegged as being disrespectful to culture, and not following the correct "mourning protocol".

The same uproar was displayed when Mpho Tshabalala, Mandoza's wife, took to the podium during his funeral recently to tell the world about the special moments they spent as a family. Many social media users likened her action to that of Letshego and traditionalists questioning the lack of proper protocol expected from grieving widows.

One of the people who took offence is Nokuzola Mndende, director of Icamagu Heritage Institute. Mndende firstly has qualms with Letshego giving a speech at the memorial service.

"Where have you ever seen or heard of a widow getting up to give a speech in front of multitudes during the mourning period?

"After losing your husband, we come to mourn with you and comfort you, not the other way around.

"Why was she giving a speech? To comfort . us?

"Some of the words she used were also inappropriate . things like 'my love, my sweetheart'. In which culture is that acceptable?

"If push came to shove, [anyone who] should have spoken in that space, it would have been the deceased's mother. She was better equipped to tell us about her son. Not a makoti!"

Mndende also took a swipe at Letshego's television appearance, and says that it was way too soon.

"I have never heard of such. It's only a few months since your husband's passing, and yet you are sitting on a couch talking about your love for him on a television show? Where is the respect?

"What people don't know is that the widow is not the only person mourning; the entire family is, and we say that it's a period where a dark cloud envelops the family.

"This period is meant to be very sombre, and movement is supposed to be limited or restricted. The reason for this is because there is a period when the dearly departed is welcomed on the other side as a new ancestor, and as a family, we have to show the utmost respect for this process. Letshego was completely out of line."

We contacted Letshego to get her response to all the backlash. She said: "I honestly do not want to comment on that because I feel that I do not owe anyone an explanation about how I choose to mourn my husband. I just feel that people should be respectful. Let's respect each other bathong. There is no rule book for the proper way to mourn someone that you loved, so all I'm asking for is some respect to mourn my husband the best way I know how."

Widows deserve rights and freedom too

Do we tend to judge widows too harshly? Are all the expectations placed on them fair?

Gender activist and feminist Pakama Ngceni says that these cultural demands on widows are demeaning to women.

"I think it is unreasonable and emotionally draining to be married to someone, and when they die you are required to wear only black, or sit at the back in public transport because [anyone] sitting behind you [gets] bad luck.

"The general feeling is that widows are bad business, like they have some curse and need to be isolated and marginalised to protect . the rest of the community from isinyama that she now carries.

"Women being policed on their dress sense is not new, it doesn't even start with widowhood. Like people criticising Letshego Zulu: it seems society is not happy with black women grieving in a variety of ways, we are forced to perform the grief only in particular ways or our humanity and dignity are at stake. Yet, there is no such requirement for men or, at least, they are not as loudly enforced. I do not, for instance, remember people being this curious over how Lucas Radebe mourned his wife. The double standard is there."

Ngceni says women should have the right to choose how to mourn their husbands, and not be given a set of rules to follow.

"Women must be the ones who draw that line and nobody else. You can be respectful to your culture without being called upon to defend the very things that .take your humanity and keep our oppression alive for another day.

"If your culture is not healing you through difficult moments, then maybe your culture does not respect you."

Traditional rules when hubby dies

THIS reaction to Letshego Zulu's comings and goings through her mourning process has begged the question: what are some of the traditional requirements placed on a widow?

Dineo Nkoane, a 71-year-old elder in Mabeskraal, North West, says to her knowledge, widows are expected to:

- Wear mourning clothes, all black, green, blue - depending on their culture - for a period of a year;

- Avoid eye contact with people at all costs;

- Not greet until they are greeted first, then respond with a hand gesture only;

- Have their own cup, plate, and other cutlery to use;

- Not go anywhere unless they are employed and, in that instance, to seek permission from the elders first. The rules then are to go to work and return home, no detours;

- Wash their clothes at night only;

- Speak softly until the day she takes the mourning clothes off;

- Not be in the company of many people at once;

- Not engage in any sexual activity of any kind, until they have been cleansed - after a year.

When asked the reason for the rules, Nkoane said after losing your husband, one has "sefifi" (dark cloud). Widows are given the rules to follow and there will be immense bad luck for anyone who does not toe the line, she said.