I told my boyfriend I'm a virgin but I was raped

I HAVE been going out with my boyfriend for a few months. I really love him and he feels the same way about me.

He told me that he has had a number of girlfriends before me and had had sex with them. He is quite a bit older than I am.

I told him I am a virgin, but it isn't exactly true. I went out with a man three years ago and he raped me.

I have never told anybody about it and I still feel that I am a virgin, but of course I know that physically I am not.

I am scared to tell my boyfriend because he might leave me. I also feel scared of having a physical relationship because of what happened.

Should I tell the truth? Very worried, Brakpan

Dudu responds,

I think you should seriously think about telling him the truth.

It is very difficult to live with lies and secrets and it is not a good foundation for any serious relationship.

I understand your concerns that he might leave you, but there is also the possibility that he cares about you enough not to leave you.

If you decide to tell him you need to listen to each others concerns and respect each others feelings.

You have never discussed the rape with anyone and in spite of the fact that it happened a couple of years ago you might need to speak to a counselor. The reason is that if you discuss it with your boyfriend it might bring up a lot of feelings and emotions that you might have suppressed because of the trauma.

A counselor could also help you with ways to discuss this with your boyfriend.