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Fat women have sex too and we love it just as much as many of you do

African American woman showing off cleavage and voluptuous plus size curvy figure wearing sexy black lingerie lying in bed.
African American woman showing off cleavage and voluptuous plus size curvy figure wearing sexy black lingerie lying in bed.
Image: 123rf Darrin Henry

I was telling my new man friend the other day that I love going out, it is my biggest indulgence. I believe in letting people know what they are in for.

I see it like going into a hospital for an operation and being asked to fill in consent forms, you always know what you are in for and what you are consenting to. This is what I feel about relationships; you have to know what you are signing up for.

Lucky for me in this regard, my love for going out, most of my friends have the same handicap as me.

So last week my friend Siya and I went out to a place we don't quite enjoy.

They use midget wine glasses; if you are a wine lover you know that there is nothing worse than drinking wine out of a midget wine glass. But we didn't have many options that evening, especially because our pockets were basically screaming LOL at us.

In any case we went in, and as the waitress led us into a very packed restaurant, she turned around to look at me and asked: "Will [you] manage to go up the stairs?"

Wait, what?

Though confused, I spotted an open table and said we will sit there. Siya was also visibly annoyed at that point.

My source of irritation though was that this was not the first time that someone has treated my being fat as a disability. For heaven's sake, had I not just walked myself into the restaurant? Why would I not be okay to walk up the stairs?

The truth is that it is not just waitresses and those that you don't know who tend to treat you like a different kind of species; it's something that even your loved ones do.

And with your friends, it's especially around your sex life and who you sleep with that exposes what they imagine your limitations to be.

I have a particular taste when it comes to men, they have to look a particular way and be a certain size.

Once though, when I was showing a picture of a new guy I was seeing to a very close friend of mine, who has this kind of body that magazines and newspapers describe as to-die-for, she asked me: "How did you get him?"

I don't think she had meant for her shock to be so apparent, but it was anyway. I brushed it off, not because it was not offensive but because I understand where her conditioning came from.

We live in a society that wants to pretend that fat women don't have vaginas and in the odd case that they could be in possession of one, that it may have gathered dust and cobwebs from under-usage.

The media, obviously, plays a very big role in this by the exclusion of fat women from magazine covers. The stereotypes are due to the way fat women are represented, especially on TV.

They are always being given roles as the loud, nosy aunty. Either that or roles that are comical, always the ones that make people laugh and very rarely a recipient of love and great, mind-blowing sex. The next time you watch your favourite soapie or movie, look closer and let me know if I'm just being an irrational fat woman.

Are fat women loud? Mostly yes, because we have to keep being louder than everyone else or risk being invisible despite our size.

We may be loud, but just for the sake of clarity, we have vaginas, we love sex and for heaven's sake we can climb stairs!



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