VERA was in the vicinity of Soweto last Friday when she heard that President Jacob "I know what I'm doing" Zuma was coming to town.

Trans-this, trans-that...

VERA was in the vicinity of Soweto last Friday when she heard that President Jacob "I know what I'm doing" Zuma was coming to town.

Eager to see the famous double head close up, Vera floated towards the venue where the big man was to deliver the AB Xuma lecture.

The double-headed one gave a long speech and said a whole lot of things about the ANC's history.

Then he mentioned that South Africa was now moving into "the Second Transformation".

Surely, Vera thought, he meant the "Second Transition" which is the buzzword in ANC circles these days.

Then Vera remembered that the double-headed one is good at singing words, not reading them.

Thobeka travels light

President "I know what I'm doing" took Umpteenth Lady Thobeka Madiba-Zuma to Mexico with him this week. Looking at the pictures from Mexico, Vera couldn't help noticing that Umpteenth has shed a few tons since she was last seen in public.

Could it be that she has been a frequent visitor to Virgin Active? Let's just say to the gym.

Prize idiots

Vera floated into the Gauteng legislature the other day to listen to Gauteng premier Nomvula Mokonyane mouthing off.

She related a story to the MPLs who were awake.

A municipality in Gauteng had received a qualified audit from the auditor general, meaning its books were in a total mess.

But instead of being ashamed of this the town bosses were very excited that they had "qualified" for something. They even made T-shirts celebrating the achievement.

100% Qualified Moegoes, Vera reckons.

National Union of Muthi

Unionism ain't what it used to be.

Apparently the National Union of Mineworkers (NUM) is very worried about inroads being made by new rival, the Association of Mineworkers and Construction Union (Amcu).

According to the NUM's Frans Baleni and Senzeni Zokwana, Amcu has resorted to using muthi to recruit members.

Vera overheard Baleni telling disbelieving journalists that Amcu leaders threaten workers that if they do not join they will be bewitched and suffer severe bedroom problems.

NUM members are joining the new union in droves.

In-the-running scared

Last year the double-headed one kept thousands of people waiting for six hours at the June 16 rally in Soweto.

Reason: he was busy at the ANCYL congress and couldn't offend Julius Malema's lot 18 months ahead of Mangaung.

This year he dodged the event in Port Elizabeth and fled to Mexico.

Reason: he was scared of being heckled by Julius Malema's lot just six months ahead of Mangaung.

Next year he might just cancel June 16 altogether.

• Vera's Question of the Week: What is the likeliood of Riah Phiyega setting a new trend with her unique hairstyle?