Relationship advice from experts

My husband is always accusing me of cheating.

He even gets angry and violent. We are both working but throughout the years I have done more financially between us including buying our home, furniture and taking care of our children. I thought he would appreciate it instead he says other men are supporting me. I am frustrated, I don't know what to do?

Boitumelo replies: Your husband might be feeling emasculated of his position, not surprising because he is failing to be the man in the relationship. He should have taken charge when he saw this from the onset. Feeling guilty and useless can drive someone to engage in such degrading insults. But I also wonder if he has never contributed anything in the household. I hear you taking the credit and I wonder if both of you have ever worked as a couple towards your goals or everyone does whatever seems fit. Maybe he also feels unappreciated and unrecognised for his little contribution.

MOM replies: Your husband is feeling emasculated by all the things you are providing for your household. He doesn't feel man enough because he is not financially capable to provide. His accusations stem from his insecurities. Can you please just take a short sabbatical from your marriage? Let's see how he copes without you.

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My problem started when I got promoted at work. My wife became controlling, telling me when to get home and monitors who I talk to. She calls me many times if I go out with colleagues and wants to know where I am. I am honest with her but it seems it's not enough. What must I do?

Boitumelo replies: She wants to manage you and I wonder if she thinks you cannot control yourself. Why does she see you as a child she has to manage? Introspect on what she believes you can't do that she believes she can do better for you. When she sees you taking charge of that she might relax and let go of this grip on you. Also ask her what's making her feel so insecure all of a sudden so that you can work on it together.

MOM replies: Dig deeper into this problem and find out if your problem really started when you got promoted at work? It's apparent from her behaviour that she is acting out. You can't change your wife but you can help her regain her confidence and sense of security by treating her differently. People don't just act crazy from nowhere. Go home and fix what you broke.

Tshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

Mahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail: mandisaomahlobo@gmail.com