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My lover is not keen to discuss future of our relationship

I asked my man where our relationship was going and he said we'd see. He said he wanted to continue with me and see where this ended up. I didn't know how to respond to this. Isn't a relationship supposed to have a planned path?

Mom replies: He is seducing you. The situation suits him perfectly. You don't know where the relationship is going, he is getting the "cookie" with no real commitment on his part. I would advise you to go boy-watching regularly. Take him out of his comfort zone by pulling away a little. The minute you pull away, he will pull up his socks. Doing nothing about your situation will allow him to have his cake and eat it.

Boitumelo replies: Let's be fair, he also has the right to take his time to see if he really wants you as his future wife or if he is ready to be a husband. Sometimes we forget that men too need to take time to choose the right partner for themselves. It sounds like he is not sure about the relationship and wants more time to explore it. He is not saying it's over. It's good that you expressed that you're not in this to be tagged along for fun. Take this as an opportunity to explore the relationship further.

Is it a good thing to let a guy know that you have a crush on him?

Boitumelo replies: It can be risky to express a crush on a guy. Imagine if he does not necessarily feel the same way about you. Can you deal with that? However, nowadays it's becoming common that women and girls can express their feelings too if they find someone they like. You have to weigh the consequences and judge for yourself if it's something you can deal with once you open that door. Expressing your crush or hitting on a guy is a personal choice at the end of the day.

Mom replies: Be aware that just because you have a crush on him doesn't mean he has a crush on you as well. It's more respectable to have a crush on a guy from a distance. Once he is aware of your vulnerability, he may take advantage of you. Wait it out, the crush will pass. However, make sure it passes without crushing you.

lTshenkeng is a qualified clinical psychologist. E-mail her on tumi.tshenkeng@gmail.com

lMahlobo is a seduction expert, relationship coach and author. E-mail mandisaomahlobo@gmail. com

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