We all know of women who do not visit their in-laws because relations have soured, particularly between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
IT HAS been years since Rahab Nawa last saw her grandchildren.
Nawa says her daughter-in-law does not associate with her in-laws because she thinks the family is "low class".
Nawa of Spruitview, in the East Rand, says: "I live with the hope that one day I will have a relationship with my grandchildren and a good relationship with their mother too.
"But for now I have to accept the fact that we are not on speaking terms for reasons unknown to me," says Nawa.
We all know of women who do not visit their in-laws because relations have soured, particularly between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
Tension builds up between the two women, who for some strange reason believe they have to fight for the attention of the man who is one woman's son and the other's husband.
Soshanguve Light of the World Christian Church pastor and marriage counsellor David Masango says this kind of relationship does exist in our society.
"Some mothers see their daughters-in-law as people who want to take away some of the financial benefits they have been enjoying from their sons," says Masango.
"This brings us back to the issue of marriage counselling, not only for the couple but also for their immediate families. This ensures that everyone involved understands how their lives will change after the wedding."
Masango points out that the sons sometimes initiate most of the sour relations.
The pastor explains that sons sometimes do not speak respectfully about their mothers when they talk to their wives and this can result in wives disrespecting their mothers-in-law too.
"Sons must stop belittling their mothers in front of their wives and start relating to them as their queens," says Masango.
"Sometimes sons do not want to help their parents financially and hide behind their wives instead of revealing the real reasons for not being able to assist their parents any longer."
Newly married daughter-in-law Louisa Matshwane of Midrand, Gauteng, says she has known her mother-in-law for four years and is happy with how they relate to each other.
"We get along well because I respect her and treat her like my own mother," says Matshwane. "She is an open person and welcomed me with open arms when her son decided to marry me."
She adds that she nurtures their relationship by keeping in touch with her mother-in-law through phone calls and visits.
Masango says society's biggest challenge is classifying marriages according to Western and traditional marriages.
"We need to re-educate society to face new challenges in marriages and to deal with the issues instead of building cultural barriers," he says and quotes Proverbs 14:1: "A clever woman builds her house, but a stupid woman demolishes it with her own hands." - motaud@sowetan.co.za
All in-laws not out to cause grief
We all know of women who do not visit their in-laws because relations have soured, particularly between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
IT HAS been years since Rahab Nawa last saw her grandchildren.
Nawa says her daughter-in-law does not associate with her in-laws because she thinks the family is "low class".
Nawa of Spruitview, in the East Rand, says: "I live with the hope that one day I will have a relationship with my grandchildren and a good relationship with their mother too.
"But for now I have to accept the fact that we are not on speaking terms for reasons unknown to me," says Nawa.
We all know of women who do not visit their in-laws because relations have soured, particularly between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law.
Tension builds up between the two women, who for some strange reason believe they have to fight for the attention of the man who is one woman's son and the other's husband.
Soshanguve Light of the World Christian Church pastor and marriage counsellor David Masango says this kind of relationship does exist in our society.
"Some mothers see their daughters-in-law as people who want to take away some of the financial benefits they have been enjoying from their sons," says Masango.
"This brings us back to the issue of marriage counselling, not only for the couple but also for their immediate families. This ensures that everyone involved understands how their lives will change after the wedding."
Masango points out that the sons sometimes initiate most of the sour relations.
The pastor explains that sons sometimes do not speak respectfully about their mothers when they talk to their wives and this can result in wives disrespecting their mothers-in-law too.
"Sons must stop belittling their mothers in front of their wives and start relating to them as their queens," says Masango.
"Sometimes sons do not want to help their parents financially and hide behind their wives instead of revealing the real reasons for not being able to assist their parents any longer."
Newly married daughter-in-law Louisa Matshwane of Midrand, Gauteng, says she has known her mother-in-law for four years and is happy with how they relate to each other.
"We get along well because I respect her and treat her like my own mother," says Matshwane. "She is an open person and welcomed me with open arms when her son decided to marry me."
She adds that she nurtures their relationship by keeping in touch with her mother-in-law through phone calls and visits.
Masango says society's biggest challenge is classifying marriages according to Western and traditional marriages.
"We need to re-educate society to face new challenges in marriages and to deal with the issues instead of building cultural barriers," he says and quotes Proverbs 14:1: "A clever woman builds her house, but a stupid woman demolishes it with her own hands." - motaud@sowetan.co.za
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