Maybe he is not the one for you

I AM a successful woman of 25 and my boyfriend is 28. We have been together for a year. We both have good, steady jobs. I think we are perfectly matched. I would like to get married soon because I want to start a family.

When I started talking about this he changed completely towards me. We have started fighting and he gets really nasty. He does not hit me but he calls me names and says horrible things, that really hurt me.

It often leaves me wondering whether what he is saying is true. We used to spend all our free time together. Now he is always making excuses not to see me. I am devastated and don't know what to say or do.

Should I tell him that my dreams of marriage and children no longer matter or should I just ignore his behaviour and hope that he will eventually come around to my way of thinking. Was it so bad of me to tell him how I felt?

Dudu responds:

Perhaps your timing was premature. He might not have been ready and could have felt that it was too soon to make plans for the future. But, this is no excuse for his behaviour. He has no right to call you names or belittle you in any way.

In a relationship you need to be able to speak openly and honestly with your partner without fear. You should not give up on your dreams but perhaps you should consider that he might not be the right person.

You also should not ignore his bad behaviour because that is just unacceptable. Tell him how you feel and ask for his thoughts on your relationship.

It will be hard for you if he says he no longer wants to be in a relationship with you, but believe me it will be harder if you were to stay in an emotionally-abusive relationship.

If you stay with him you will lose your self-confidence eventually the love and respect you have for him. If he cannot give you what you need he is not for you.


Powa (People Opposing Women Abuse) offers counselling, advice, shelter and support for abused women.

Contact Powa on 011-642-4345/6 or write to them at PO Box 93416, Yeoville, 2143. Other branches include 667 Mnisi Section, Katlehong on 011-860-2858; 1620 Ditshego Street, Vosloorus Rehabilitation Centre on 011-906-4259; Room 10 Nthabiseng Centre, Chris Hani-Baragwanath Hospital on (011) 933-2333.

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