Discussion with dad yields some perspective about receptive ear

It is 1.49am. I have been awake for approximately 23 hours and a few minutes. I have spent the last six hours or so trying to fall asleep. I now experience colour, not only as visual stimulus, but as olfactory and auditory as well.  

The long and short of it is that I am likely hallucinating from a lack of sleep in the last week or so. There’s no way that the squiggly red line on my screen, detecting my name as an English spelling error, has the sound of copulating ducks emanating from it. Right? My head is too loud right now!  

At the top of my head right now is a Tik Tok I saw a few hours ago where the creator posed the question: “When was the very first time you felt like an adult... I’ll go first”.

I didn’t watch the entire video – but it just dawned on me that I have been thinking about the very same thing all week. Walk with me...

It all started when my dad instructed me, for the 96 millionth time, to chat to my brother about taking school and life seriously. You see, homeboy is in matric and doesn’t have a clear enough plan for dad’s comfort. University applications are open for 2025, exams are nearing and I know my brother, he has the temperament of a cucumber. He’s a cool guy. I wouldn’t call him unserious – I’d just say he’s an “I’ll get to it” type of student rather than an “I already got it started two hours ago”.  

I remember years ago when my father was still obsessed with mathematics (for which I had to bare the full brunt) my brother was enrolled in an extra maths programme. I had to take him once a week to work on his extra maths and for him to get new worksheets.

That programme was so intense that they’d give the kids like four weeks’ worth of maths worksheets over the December holidays. It sounds cruel, I know, but the idea was to get the kids to practice at least 10  minutes of maths daily. My brother was so miserable that he wrote a letter to my dad, expressly requesting his removal from the programme because it made him “miserable”.  

He couldn’t have been older than 10 when he penned that note to my dad. The note now functions as my favorite bookmark. Retrospectively, I find it both sad and cute that he had to make his stance known by letter. Sad and cute because he was miserable, but he also stood up for himself. I can only imagine that in his brain he must have said it a million times and needed to “get everything in writing”. The mature thing to do.

I digress.  

My dad’s instruction turned into friendly conversation about the "parable of the teen who thinks everyone around them is a clueless idiot". I simply said “it be like that sometimes man”. I gave him comfort in knowing that eventually one grows and accepts that "daddy was right about certain things".  

I mean don’t get me wrong, I was once the teen. Except: I wore short skirts; was smart-mouthed and always made sure to give you a double dose of general condescension. Just for vibes!  

But even as a teen, one can appreciate a valid life lesson, right? I think part of being a parent is hoping that the lessons will land and resonate with the intended recipients.

I affirmed my father and said “argh, if I can remember half of the random things you said, I am sure you’re parenting just fine”. I also took the opportunity to highlight my well-adjusted adult behaviour because why not?  

My discussion with my father also yielded some perspective about the receptive ear. I didn’t think of myself as receptive, rather I always considered myself blessed with a remarkably good memory. My dad also positioned himself as the messenger, rather than the teacher, proclaiming my grandpa was the wisest man to have ever lived.  

So, I’ll go first. I knew I was an adult when I started ordering rice rather than chips!  

I am not even joking. But also, when I started fondly remembering my dad’s lectures as “life lessons” instead of him trying to tell me what to do with my own damn life!

When I started taking his word and considering it friendly advice, even when I didn’t need to? That’s when!  

When did I become so nostalgic? Is it a symptom of being an adult?  

Seemingly!  

Well, adult big sister has a  little note for all, especially the matriculants of the family.  

“Please stay focused! This experience will by far be your toughest spiritually, mentally and emotionally but like the great fictional city of Gotham, you will endure”.