Afraid to commit after being abused

I am 22. I went out with a man who was a lot older and who was very abusive. I don't know how, but I managed to get out of the relationship.

I am 22. I went out with a man who was a lot older and who was very abusive. I don't know how, but I managed to get out of the relationship.

He always threatened to kill me if I left him. However, I haven't seen him since I left him.

I have now met a wonderful man who wants to marry me. We are engaged but I cannot bring myself to commit to marriage yet. I think my behaviour might be frustrating him.

The problem I have is this. What if I find myself in the same position as the last time? What if this man starts to abuse me as well?

As soon as he starts talking about marriage I change the subject. I don't want to lose him and I know that if I don't give him the commitment he is looking for I will lose him.

What is wrong with me?

Troubled, Tswane

There is nothing wrong with you. You are very young to be considering marriage. This is apart from the fact that you probably have a problem with trust because of what you have previously experienced.

I am sure that you are scared that things might turn out the way they did with your ex-boyfriend even though you love your fiance.

I suggest you go for counselling so that you can sort out any issues you have with trust and commitment. Explain to your fiance what you have experienced in the past and ask him to give you time.

Don't rush into anything if you don't feel ready. If your fiance loves you he will be prepared to wait.

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