Discourses on the Civil Union Bill and other modern ills of the nation

The government has really set the cat among the pigeons in passing the Civil Union Bill.

The government has really set the cat among the pigeons in passing the Civil Union Bill.

People are shocked and afraid that the world is coming to an end. Others are titillated and want to know about the actual mechanics of the third sex.

Last week in a queue at the taxi rank three men, die-hard traditionalists, vented their incredulity and anger at this new trend in South African society.

The first man blamed President Thabo Mbeki for passing the bill. He said the bill was a result of Mbeki's frequent travels abroad where he saw things he should not have seen.

Gays were a shameful secret that the West had kept under wraps. The president thought he had stumbled on to a secret instead of an abomination.

He said Mbeki should go for detox, African style, to set his mind straight.

The second man said the gay abomination was a result of the new stigma attached to polygamy. He said he could marry 11 women because he was a real man.

Polygamy would stop the madness of women behaving as though they were bewitched. He expected Mbeki to support this multi-household financially because it would ultimately benefit the nation.

Strangely he did not touch on gay males. I suppose it was his greed or wistful romanticisation of his ancestors' lifestyle.

I was tempted to point out that lesbianism thrived in harems, but did not dare do so. These were obviously men of the old school who think that women do not have a voice.

The third man blamed the mothers of the nation who coddle their girl children and no longer rear them as wives for the future generations of men.

He said Mbeki was also to blame because he had abolished corporal punishment. A short, sharp blow to the mother's head would unscramble her brains and remind her of her real duties.

One aggressive fellow kept eyeing the women in the queue as if he was ready, that very instant, to sort us out.

He also posed the theory that the bill was a Basotho ploy to weaken the other tribes. According to his insight, the Basotho have strange notions because they have twisted minds.

He bet the others that no Mosotho father would allow this nonsense, but would advance the gay cause to trick the other tribes. He said his great-great grandfather had fought the Basotho. The Basotho were cowards who would not face their enemies in battle but used trickery and magic to defeat them.

The first man quickly tired of this convoluted nonsense and said Mbeki should have passed a law conscripting all males from the age of 16 to 25. This would weed out all these foreign tendencies and build real men who knew what women were for.

It was strange that women, who figured in every objection and solution they presented, were not allowed to voice their opinion about their services or status.