Romantic scope of horror

Politicians would get weak at the knees if they knew that their political affiliations are standing in their way of romantic relationships made in heaven.

Politicians would get weak at the knees if they knew that their political affiliations are standing in their way of romantic relationships made in heaven.

That is if an online zodiac sign compatibility site is anything to go by.

The site has dispelled the myth that common interests are key in determining romantic relationships.

The arithmetic is simple. Key for a working relationship is your date of birth, which somehow imbues you with certain personality traits that determine if you will connect or not in a relationship with another.

Forget the politics. In terms of this horoscope's compatibility matching, political foes such as Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, the minister of health pictured right, and Treatment Action Committee leader Zachie Achmat, pictured far right, may make a perfect couple.

Tshabalala-Msimang is a Libran and Achmat is Aries.

Match both and these are the results: "It's better if the Aries is Male as Mars is seduced by Venus, who appreciates Mars' impetuosity, capable of beating puritanism and resistance. Refined, affected and educated, Libra has difficulty getting on well with its opposing sign, which it considers coarse and in too much of a rush.

"Libra's need to evaluate and reflect before reaching a conclusion, however, is very useful for fiery Aries. In the same way, Libra needs Aries' spirit of initiative and passionate ardour to shake up its exaltations and become more erotic.

"If they manage to find a compromise, the relationship can be interesting."

Perfect for a working relationship. But how far can this go? Achmat is gay. And Tshabalala- Msimang and Achmat have had fiery public spats over the access to antiretrovirals.

That should not be a problem, because they say love is all about compromises.

What about President Thabo Mbeki and Cape Town mayor Helen Zille?

So far while the two have serious differences politically and over Cape Town, they have not carried the argument into the public arena. This is either a good sign of political or romantic maturity. By the way Zille was born on March 9 1951 and that makes her a Piscean.

Lets match her with Mbeki, a Gemini. The results are: "Excessively impressionable and sensitive, Pisces realises straight away he or she is not on the same wavelength as the fast-thinking Gemini.

"For Pisces, love is a language of emotions, indefinite sensations, sunsets and sunrise, not of words and philosophical theories.

"Gemini gets irritated and bored by Pisces' mental and physical confusion. Sexually, forget it.

"Gemini is technical and too cold to satisfy Pisces' magic heat and desire for tenderness."

Well, this explains why the Mother City no longer favours the ANC. After all attempts, still nothing will work romantically.

But it will be irresponsible not to try and reconcile Mbeki and Winnie Madikizela-Mandelaromantically.

The two had that much-publicised public spat at a political rally in Orlando Stadium.

What does the future hold, matchmaker?

"An excellent, luminous, mundane match.

"Libra, next to such a cheerful and cutting companion, manages to set aside morality and a tendency to criticism, living life with a smile.

"Gemini, on the other hand, appreciates Libra's aesthetic sense, courteousness and elegance.

"They understand one another perfectly between the sheets. Intellectual team-spirit is significant."


Jacob Zuma, the ANC deputy president, would like to know what Patricia de Lille is up to now.

The Independent Democrats' leader De Lille caught the media's attention for her brave stand on the arms deal corruption.

Who knows, the result may help predict if Zuma would either be the next president or will soon be charged by the Scorpions again.

Zuma is Aries and De Lille, an Aquarian: "A valuable |combination if the Aries male manages to give his partner space and freedom. It's also good the other way round if the Aquarius male moderates his rebellious escapes.

"Aquarius is possibly the only sign which manages to shatter Aries' wall of scepticism, slows Aries down, channels certain insensitive acts and makes the partner reflect.

"Aries, on the other hand, with high inspiration, knows how to reawaken Aquarius' controlled and imperturbable soul and the fire of pleasure."

Lest we forget. It would take a very good reason to get |comrades-in-arms, British Prime Minister Tony Blair and US President George Bush to launch an attack on Zimbabwe, especially after Iraq.

Maybe horoscope matching between Robert Mugabe and Bush's wife, Laura Bush, would avoid this much-awaited assault on Zimbabwe.

The Zimbabwean president is a Pisces and America's first lady is a Scorpio.

Hold your breath because this is important for world peace. Laura and Robert, what are the results?

"An intense attraction between two signs which can be particularly sensitive.

"They don't need words to understand one another. The relationship is based on many shades, from Pisces' pastel shade to Scorpio's violent, brilliant colours. Often these two signs have a love affair with anxious yet exciting encounters.

"The sex is delicate and infernal at the same time."

"Bravo! I have been suspecting this for a long time, call the Pentagon and tell them to attack Zimbabwe immediately.

"This is the happiest moment in my life," said the jealous Bush.

We should not expect World War 3 because others are not suppose to interfere in lovers' tiffs.

Such problems must be dealt with privately and with the help of a shrink.

While horoscope compatibility claims to transcend political affiliation, its political implications need to be tested.

For now we cannot predict the future of cross-political romantic relationships, especially because they have not been tried and are based on an unpredictable feeling - love.