My husband cheated and I want to divorce him

AFTER 10 years of marriage, I found out  my husband  was cheating. It came as a complete shock because  we were always  so happy together

We  fought terribly about this.

As much as he has apologised and  promised that it will  never happen again,  I can’ t forgive him, speak to him or  even  look at him, even though I still love him. 

This has  been going on for three months  and I think the only way  to solve it is to  get divorced.

I told him and unfortunately  my one son heard it. Both my  sons are traumatised.

I  feel as if my life  is out of control and I don’t know which   way to turn. Please help me. - Desperately Unhappy  Wife, Orlando

DUDU WRITES:

I am sure you are extremely hurt and  angry and you  have every right to be.

You  say that you still love your  husband and  for this very reason you should consider   sorting your marriage out.

Cheating does such  damage in a marriage  that often  people feel  that it is the end, but it  is possible to recover   and rebuild your marriage. It will take time  and  patience.

Consider going  together for counselling.

If you do decide  to  divorce, then your children must be your main   concern.

They will need constant reassurance that they  will still have both parents  in their lives who love them  and that they  will always have access to both parents.   They also need to be told that this is not  their fault at all. 

Divorce means a huge  change for all of you and you  need to  minimise this for the children by not changing   schools or home if possible. Don’t fight in front  of them  and don’ t talk  badly about each other to  them.

They  might feel  very insecure, angry and  anxious. Keep a  careful  eye on them. Consider  discussing this with their   teachers so they can be  supportive.

Never use the   children as weapons against each other.  They are  innocent and must be protected.

Divorce is extremely painful so be sure  that you are  making the right decision.