Father of my two children is sponging off me

I am a woman of 29 and my fiancée is 30. We have been together since 2001 and we have a five-year-old daughter and an eight-month-old son.

I am a woman of 29 and my fiancée is 30. We have been together since 2001 and we have a five-year-old daughter and an eight-month-old son.

We both work, but he has never supported us since we moved in together in 2001.

I always complain and he promises to help, but come month-end he is moody so that I don't say a thing.

Our agreement was that I pay the bond and he pays for the small things, like water and lights, school fees, groceries, etc. But he doesn't pay and I receive letters from the municipality and final notices and notifications from the school.

I then get angry and pay them. The responsibilities are increasing now, with the salary of the baby's nanny.

I am drowning in debt.

I've explained the situation to him, but he is so ignorant. I want to sell my house and buy or rent a small townhouse or flat with the kids only, but I am doubtful. Will I be doing the right thing?

Confused, Befordview

Sister, this man must catch an instant wake up. He is not playing the game in terms of an equal partnership and he is a scoundrel for not paying towards the financial support of his children.

What is he doing with his money? Have you asked him this?

Sit down with him and have a good heart-to-heart. Tell him you cannot continue in this way. Tell him he has not honoured his word about paying the bills. Tell him you cannot continue to live with this financial tension. Tell him he has to change his ways from this month-end or you will leave him.

If he doesn't start paying, get rid of him.

As far as selling the house is concerned, do not be too hasty. The property market does not favour the seller at present.

If you can afford to pay the bond, which you are doing now anyway, then keep the house until the market improves. If you find you are struggling too much, take on extra work or consider getting a small income by renting out space to a boarder.

You must pay off your debts and do not incur any new debt. Buying only what you need. Luxuries are out for now.

Make this man realise that he either starts coughing, or he is out.

Good luck. Be firm. Don't listen to excuses.

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