Boyfriend obsessed with sex

I fell in love about a year ago with a very good-looking man. He is good to me, we have lots of fun together and the sex is great.

I fell in love about a year ago with a very good-looking man. He is good to me, we have lots of fun together and the sex is great.

The problem is that he is obsessed with sex. He says he has a higher than usual sex drive. We have been living together for four months and in that time we have had sex every day. Sometimes he wants it a few times a day. Before we moved in together, we were having sex at least three or four times a week.

I enjoy the sex, but the problem is that he is very easily aroused and then wants to do it anywhere. In the beginning it was exciting, but now I am tired of it. My heart pounds and my stomach knots up because I am scared someone will catch us.

Last week, he came to my workplace and followed me to the ladies. Thank goodness no one else was in there when he grabbed me from behind and pushed me into a cubicle. I didn't want to have sex, but I gave in because I was scared someone would come in and hear his pleading and arguing.

That night, at a braai with friends, he tried it again. This time behind a bush in their garden. I put my foot down and said no. He sulked and made the atmosphere so unpleasant that we left early.

He is also a big flirt and always comments about other women. He says he will never be unfaithful, but I don't believe him. He also says that his comments about other women's breasts do not mean he wants to have sex with them, but I find that hard to believe too.

Before we got together, he had lots of girlfriends and he has a reputation as a real player. I refuse to have sex with him without a condom even though both of us tested HIV-negative.

Do you think he will ever change? Do you think he will hurt me?

Sexed Out, Johannesburg

If he doesn't hurt you by being unfaithful, he will certainly continue to hurt you with sexual comments about other women - unless you set very clear boundaries about this unacceptable behaviour.

It is a good idea to tell him that it is not acceptable, and that it will either push you out of his life, or earn him a damn good slap from some woman who overhears his comments.

Perhaps that is exactly what he deserves and perhaps that is the only thing that will teach him a lesson.

Your man sounds like he has lots of issues about sex and he seems to have the perception that banging away all the time makes him a superman. Poor guy. He sounds like a teenager who has just discovered the joys of intercourse.

I cannot understand why you would want to stay with a man who behaves in this way. I suggest that you take a long, hard look at yourself to find out why you believe you are not worth more than this.

It is clear that you don't trust him and that you will never be able to trust him if he continues to be a sex fiend.

Surely you want a man who loves you exclusively and who thinks you are the sexiest woman on the planet? Surely you want a man who you can trust enough to one day have sex with without condoms because you don't fear picking up a sexually transmitted disease? Is this the type of man you want to father your children?

You don't have to accept this behaviour. If he can't change his ways, tell him to take a hike. If you continue in this situation, you are giving your silent and tacit approval and he will find no need to change.