Not the sharpest knives in the draw

STAR: Surprise Moriri. Pic. Watson Mcoteli. 24/11/2005. © Sunday World.
STAR: Surprise Moriri. Pic. Watson Mcoteli. 24/11/2005. © Sunday World.

With the 2008 Afcon beckoning Safa wants to get things right this time by sending a really mentally and physically fit team to the tournament in Ghana.

With the 2008 Afcon beckoning Safa wants to get things right this time by sending a really mentally and physically fit team to the tournament in Ghana.

"I want every one of them to be tested. Got that?"

Those were Molefi Oliphant's instructions to one of his deputies, Mubarak Mahomed.

Bafana Bafana players were thus on Saturday assembled in Pretoria for their physical and psychological tests where some uninvited officials sneaked in.

A psychiatrist asks Surprise Moriri to take a seat.

She calms him down by explaining that as per Safa orders she is going to conduct "a simple test to monitor your normal human responses".

Dr Viljoen goes: "Jou body looks good. What a nice name you have."

"Thanks," says a blushing Surprise.

"What would happen if I cut your left ear?"

"I wouldn't be able to hear Parreira's instructions," the player replies.

"And what would happen if I cut off your right ear?"

Surprise: "But that's cruel. Any way, I wouldn't be able to see."

Dr Viljoen: "Why do you say that?"

"Look, Doctor, my sportie hat would fall over my eyes."

And in another consulting room Mahomed and another psychiatrist are having it tough because Shoes Mazibuko, the Bafana Bafana head of delegation, also wants to impress his bosses by volunteering to be tested.

Mahomed: "Are you crazy or something?"

Shoes: "That's what she says."

Ultimately the psychiatrist agrees to conduct the test.

Shoes: "My wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages."

Psychiatrist: "Nonsense. I like sausages too."

Shoes: "For sure? Then you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds and that's why I have built a special fridge like the ones you see at the butcheries."

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