A look at Kenny Kunene's roasters

The Comedy Central Roast of Kenny Kunene is around the corner, and the roasters must be sharpening their claws right about now. Nonkululeko Khumalo rates four of the eight roasters who will give the Sushi King a baptism of fire

John Vlismas

He could roast Mother Teresa, so Kunene should be afraid. very afraid. Vlismas is a dangerous combo of achingly funny and alarmingly intelligent.

Last week, he completely annihilated a former columnist-turned-Twitter troll in an open letter. The bully Englishman must have curled up in the foetal position and wept in a corner after reading that.

Vlismas is far from a perfect specimen and he knows it; he's been teased about it often enough. This basically gives him a licence to obliterate everybody else.

Kunene is small fry for him, maybe even an insult to the man's funny intelligence.

Khanyi Mbau

Sweetie, you're gorgeous and smart (in your own way, of course), but I'm not sure about funny. The point is to make us laugh and I don't see you pulling that off.

By the looks of things the same misfortune that befell Kuli Roberts during The Roast of Steve Hofmeyr might just happen to you. You're a way more colourful character than Kunene and people are not finished with you and your shenanigans, so the target will be squarely on your beweaved forehead.

I'm sorry to break it to you, nana, but you're the sacrificial lamb. Why else would they put you up against such heavyweight comedians?

Somizi Mhlongo

I cringe. Where do I start?

The fact that you speak in such a stumbling rush and hardly make sense makes me nervous. very nervous.

So you can just imagine how worried we all are that you have to stand in front of a microphone and try to make us all laugh at the expense of other people. You live in your own little world, so how on earth are you going to find your material for the roast? Do you even know who Kunene is?

Madame Gigi is way more hilarious than you are. Maybe you should come in character to save all of us the trauma, yes? Thank you.

Dineo Ranaka

She is going to own this roast. She is hilarious and has no sacred cows. She was once rumoured to be dating Kunene, so it should be great hearing what she has to say about that.

If she has some inside info on Kunene, she will spill it. This girl should be a comedian. She can make fun of everything. Damn, she even makes fun of herself and her multiple baby daddy situation. Why would she hold back on a womanising pseudo politician?

The Comedy Central Roast of Kenny Kunene fired by Nando's takes place at the Lyric Theatre on April 3. Tickets available at Computicket.