It is not easy being in the middle of a generational tug of war, but knowing where to set the boundaries will go a long way to lessening the pull
IN THE past, having a large family was considered insurance against poverty in old age.
Children would club together to support older parents, but today this is not always the case. Some refuse and some are simply unable to help shoulder the burden.
Fifty years ago, a child was considered independent at age 18 and had to fend for themselves financially. Now, someone of that age might just be starting university and will therefore still be totally dependent on parents.
Adults in their 50s are often referred to as the sandwich generation since they are stuck in the middle between elderly parents and not fully-independent children.
They have reached an age when they expected to be free of responsibilities, looking forward to retirement and to start enjoying life again as a couple. Instead, they find themselves burdened with the task of caring for aged parents and also supporting grown children.
All this responsibility takes its emotional and financial toll and can be a huge drain on a middle-aged couple's resources.
Regrettably, this situation is once again becoming the "norm" in our modern world.
Even people who endeavoured to make proper provision for retirement, find their pension inadequate due to the effects of inflation.
These additional expenses because of inflation fall on the shoulders of the middle-aged offspring, who struggle to ensure their own pension will be adequate when they retire, simply because they can't save enough.
Yet, how many "children" can ignore their elderly parents in their time of need?
They take on the burden of supporting them, hopefully with the cooperation of their siblings.
Coupled with this additional monetary responsibility comes the problem of grown children relying on them financially. In many cases, this involves paying for tertiary education and living expenses.
Although the expenses for the younger generation might seem onerous at the time, in the long term they will pay off.
As the demand for more skilled and educated workers increase, children with a strong education are empowered to earn nearly three times the amount their parents can bring home.
Once this new generation attains financial security, they and their parents should be able to reap the rewards from their educational investment, although the desires of your now working kids find it difficult themselves to make ends meet and save.
Clearly, supporting a child's education pays off in the end but, conversely, it is their own two feet.
Cutting the financial cord has to be done.
In some cases it is done gradually and by a slow weaning process. In other, more resistant cases, such as when a grown child has been living with their parents for years, only shock treatment will work. It may seem harsh, but it's a case of financial "tough love".
Caring for your aged parents is far more complex and the "tough love" approach is simply inappropriate. Elderly, ailing parents are unable to fend for themselves and this is the time when they really need you.
It is not easy being in the middle of a generational tug of war, but knowing where to set the boundaries will go a long way to lessening the pull.
- The writer is financial adviser of Bryan Hirsch Colley and Associates. Email bryanh@bhca.co.za
Middle-aged parents face double burden
It is not easy being in the middle of a generational tug of war, but knowing where to set the boundaries will go a long way to lessening the pull
IN THE past, having a large family was considered insurance against poverty in old age.
Children would club together to support older parents, but today this is not always the case. Some refuse and some are simply unable to help shoulder the burden.
Fifty years ago, a child was considered independent at age 18 and had to fend for themselves financially. Now, someone of that age might just be starting university and will therefore still be totally dependent on parents.
Adults in their 50s are often referred to as the sandwich generation since they are stuck in the middle between elderly parents and not fully-independent children.
They have reached an age when they expected to be free of responsibilities, looking forward to retirement and to start enjoying life again as a couple. Instead, they find themselves burdened with the task of caring for aged parents and also supporting grown children.
All this responsibility takes its emotional and financial toll and can be a huge drain on a middle-aged couple's resources.
Regrettably, this situation is once again becoming the "norm" in our modern world.
Even people who endeavoured to make proper provision for retirement, find their pension inadequate due to the effects of inflation.
These additional expenses because of inflation fall on the shoulders of the middle-aged offspring, who struggle to ensure their own pension will be adequate when they retire, simply because they can't save enough.
Yet, how many "children" can ignore their elderly parents in their time of need?
They take on the burden of supporting them, hopefully with the cooperation of their siblings.
Coupled with this additional monetary responsibility comes the problem of grown children relying on them financially. In many cases, this involves paying for tertiary education and living expenses.
Although the expenses for the younger generation might seem onerous at the time, in the long term they will pay off.
As the demand for more skilled and educated workers increase, children with a strong education are empowered to earn nearly three times the amount their parents can bring home.
Once this new generation attains financial security, they and their parents should be able to reap the rewards from their educational investment, although the desires of your now working kids find it difficult themselves to make ends meet and save.
Clearly, supporting a child's education pays off in the end but, conversely, it is their own two feet.
Cutting the financial cord has to be done.
In some cases it is done gradually and by a slow weaning process. In other, more resistant cases, such as when a grown child has been living with their parents for years, only shock treatment will work. It may seem harsh, but it's a case of financial "tough love".
Caring for your aged parents is far more complex and the "tough love" approach is simply inappropriate. Elderly, ailing parents are unable to fend for themselves and this is the time when they really need you.
It is not easy being in the middle of a generational tug of war, but knowing where to set the boundaries will go a long way to lessening the pull.
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