All aboard for our special awards

While you all were acting silly, stalking others and vomiting, yours truly was hard at work putting up the awards for the year ahead. And even though South Africa is so boring it makes the graveyard look like a mall, I managed to get special awards for the chosen few.

While you all were acting silly, stalking others and vomiting, yours truly was hard at work putting up the awards for the year ahead. And even though South Africa is so boring it makes the graveyard look like a mall, I managed to get special awards for the chosen few.

HSo at this juncture I would like to present myself with the most important award for the year ahead. I take home the Award for the Best Kept Secret of 2008. Phela, some of you are running after me with an axe!

HAll the dancers of Kyk Net's Dans Dans Dans should give gumboot dancing a try. I had never seen people make dancing look so painful. They get the Mummy on the Dance Floor Award for 2009.

HI've said it before but I'm going to say it with an award this time around. The Critique Award for The Best Juggler of All Time is Vathiswa Ndara, right. She gets the award for sounding so together when she reads the news, looking so dysfunctional on Home Affairs and going so crazy on the dance floor. She worries me sometimes.

HThe Award for the Best Bullshitters goes to Jozi. They earned it when they went to fetch their Mama's Award and Bongani belted out, no wait a minute, he miaowed Brenda's song just to name drop, you know what I'm saying? But they are burning the charts those boys and I just love them.

HI like Chat Room and Sarah Ngubeni is a good presenter but it needs researchers. Most topics raise good points but completely fall flat on substance. For instance, if I was supplying material for smoking as the next epidemic, I would look at fundamental issues like who is likely to smoke, what has worked for other people and the many other health repercussions other than throat cancer. It earns the award for The Finely Presented But Badly Researched Award for 2009 So Far.

HThembi Seete is the runaway winner for The Never Say Die Kid on television. Auntie, wake up now, get your walking stick and get the hell out of that cheap stayela samahala show, OK?

HNimrod Nkosi walks away with the Hawu Bakithi Award for having presented the Lotto since I was on my mother's breast. But with Jam Alley still running, who can blame him for not coming up to claim it. Yho, I'm sure there's better entertainment in Bizana.

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