Abuser must go

I am deeply in love with a long lost friend who is now married.

I am deeply in love with a long lost friend who is now married.

We used to be best friends but then he moved to another province and we did not see one another for 10 years.

We used to love one another like brother and sister until he moved and we lost contact. Now he is back and we are seeing each other again.

I do have a boyfriend who is a police officer and who is abusive. He has paid half of the ilobolo and whenever we fight he asks for his money back.

We have a three-year-old daughter and we do not live together. The man who I am in love with is also having family problems.

At this point I am sticking with the abusive boyfriend. My family have said they are scared that one day he will kill me. Please tell me what to do.

Fearful, Gauteng

End your relationship with the abusive man, and end it in the most pleasant way possible in order to try to keep him on an even keel.

Do not be alone with him if you can avoid it. Try to have family members around when the break-up happens to ensure that you have protection.

If you have the money, give him his half payment back if that will make him more keen to depart and stay out of your life.

Your priorities are your safety and the wellbeing of your child. This man is no good for you, and never will be.

As far as the other guy is concerned, wait for him to sort out his family problems and then see what the situation is.

He must not leave his wife and children for you. He must leave because he can't make it work at home. Encourage him to try to make it work and if you have to, stay away from him until things are sorted.

If he decides to leave, do not rush into anything and rather take time out, both of you, to sort out your heads and hearts before starting something new.