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Should I tell my sister her husband is cheating on her?

By Dear Dudu | Jan 13, 2012 | COMMENTS [ 397 ]

MY OLDER sister and I didn't get on that well growing up. We have different fathers and I think that she was often jealous of the relationship I have with my father.

She has never known who her father is.

She has been married for three years and has a beautiful baby boy. She seems to be very happy and has never spoken to me about any marital problems. In fact, most people believe that she has the perfect marriage and perfect life.

My boyfriend manages one of her husband's shops. Recently, my boyfriend said that he had something to tell me, but was scared to do so. We had a fight and eventually he told me that my brother-in-law is having an affair and he thinks that the lady involved might be pregnant. He was nervous to tell me because he doesn't want to lose his job.

My sister and I have grown very close and we have a wonderful relationship. I am afraid if I tell her she will get angry with me and it will ruin everything. She means the world to me and I don't want to hurt her in any way.

On the other hand, if she finds out that I knew and did not tell her it could ruin our relationship.

We had a discussion once when a friend of hers was the last to find out that her husband was having an affair and my sister said that she was disgusted that no one had the decency to tell her friend.

I feel so torn and it is stressing me terribly. I don't know what to do, so please advise me. - In two minds, Brakpan

DUDU RESPONDS:

I can understand the difficult situation you find yourself in. If your sister has said this to you in the past then you should perhaps consider saying something to her.

However, you obviously realise what the consequences of doing this could be.

Before you make a decision, weigh up the fact that you don't know whether your brother-in-law is having an affair.

Even though your boyfriend believes this, you must be absolutely certain if you are going to tell your sister. If you told her and it is not true, then you can be sure that she will be angry with both of you and so will her husband.

If you tell her, then be careful not to give your opinions about him and don't call him names.

If they split up and then got back together or decided to work on their marriage, she would never forget what you thought and said about him. This would certainly push a wedge between the two of you.

Nobody likes the bearer of bad news, so be prepared that if you do tell her, she will be angry anyway and probably lash out at you. If you don't tell her and she finds out that you knew, she would not only feel betrayed by her husband, but also by you.

We never really know what happens between couples. She might know that he cheats and could be prepared to put up with it to keep the home front steady and their baby safe.

Only you can make the decision to tell her, so take your time with your decision.

COMMENTS [ 397 ]

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GF

yeah he was..i dnt knw the details too

Jan 13, 2012 12:13 | 0 replies

mattz - Gal whats that lin.k about, I cant view it.

Gosh Sowetan!!! Why flag the word lin.k ? mcxm

Jan 13, 2012 12:52 | 0 replies

Galfrend-Why o sa nchaele gore you have cancelled your g-mail account so I can stop sending you e-mails?

Jan 13, 2012 12:54 | 0 replies

ooh about the l.ink.. watch ur back guys- its getting scary out there..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yooh thingz pple do

GF - too scary hey someone sent me that l.ink thought i should share cause everyone z talking about it on twitter n fb...its about this group of gals intending on spreading HIV...wish u could read it

Jan 13, 2012 12:57 | 0 replies

@Maezi, kante wena ga o rate monyakazo? yuu nna ke o rata rati

Jan 13, 2012 1:0 | 0 replies

If you believe your sister is happy and does not even suspect that her husband is cheating, then stay out of it.

Jan 13, 2012 1:3 | 0 replies

maezizsto - Please o ska bua maaka, coz I sent you an email last week and u did not respond. You have my new gmail add wena.

Jan 13, 2012 1:3 | 0 replies

@matzzz
i received email this morning but didnt even bother reading, lemme read

galfrend will send u the email

Jan 13, 2012 1:6 | 0 replies

LG - Ja most pple hv seen the email...mina they've sent me that l.ink..yoooh z hectic gal

Jan 13, 2012 1:8 | 0 replies

Annkie-Ke re go jwang ka kgolokwenyana e le nngwe ya mnyakazo tuuuu

Jan 13, 2012 1:9 | 0 replies

Galfrend-I dont have it tlhe okay send it again il check it

Jan 13, 2012 1:10 | 0 replies