• Tweet

She has never known who her father is.

She has been married for three years and has a beautiful baby boy. She seems to be very happy and has never spoken to me about any marital problems. In fact, most people believe that she has the perfect marriage and perfect life.

My boyfriend manages one of her husband's shops. Recently, my boyfriend said that he had something to tell me, but was scared to do so. We had a fight and eventually he told me that my brother-in-law is having an affair and he thinks that the lady involved might be pregnant. He was nervous to tell me because he doesn't want to lose his job.

My sister and I have grown very close and we have a wonderful relationship. I am afraid if I tell her she will get angry with me and it will ruin everything. She means the world to me and I don't want to hurt her in any way.

On the other hand, if she finds out that I knew and did not tell her it could ruin our relationship.

We had a discussion once when a friend of hers was the last to find out that her husband was having an affair and my sister said that she was disgusted that no one had the decency to tell her friend.

I feel so torn and it is stressing me terribly. I don't know what to do, so please advise me. - In two minds, Brakpan

DUDU RESPONDS:

I can understand the difficult situation you find yourself in. If your sister has said this to you in the past then you should perhaps consider saying something to her.

However, you obviously realise what the consequences of doing this could be.

Before you make a decision, weigh up the fact that you don't know whether your brother-in-law is having an affair.

Even though your boyfriend believes this, you must be absolutely certain if you are going to tell your sister. If you told her and it is not true, then you can be sure that she will be angry with both of you and so will her husband.

If you tell her, then be careful not to give your opinions about him and don't call him names.

If they split up and then got back together or decided to work on their marriage, she would never forget what you thought and said about him. This would certainly push a wedge between the two of you.

Nobody likes the bearer of bad news, so be prepared that if you do tell her, she will be angry anyway and probably lash out at you. If you don't tell her and she finds out that you knew, she would not only feel betrayed by her husband, but also by you.

We never really know what happens between couples. She might know that he cheats and could be prepared to put up with it to keep the home front steady and their baby safe.

Only you can make the decision to tell her, so take your time with your decision.

Comments

• Sign in or sign up to comment

Sun May 19 10:21:34 SAST 2013 ::

Jan 13, 2012

maneater

sister ask yourself one question why does your ment onyl tell you this when you have a fight, he is saving his own skin, infact it him that is having an affair and ahs impreganted the other woman.
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

MommaC

Short answer : NO

Stay out of it.
If you feel you absolutely have to speak to someone then confront your sister's husband in private.
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

Ann

@MommaC, I totally agree with ur comment ,i mean she needs to speak to her brother in law and if anything happens be there for your sister
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

TjoVtjo

@ MommaC

I agree
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

Jaja'sQueen

Think about yourself and why you would want to tell her? You can tell her if you think she will do something about it - like leave his stupid face. I have seen a lot of cases where the whistle blower became the enemy. You say your relationship is not strong enough. What if she thinks you are jealous of her as well. If you cannot handle negative backlash from her, I would say keep very far from both of them with regards to their relationship. If you confront the man, he might turn around on you. You never know, cheaters are very selfish people who are out to have their cake and eat it too. Concentrate on you and your sanity unless you think your sister's life is in danger.
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

MsBlackberry

kgona tsa gao le boyfriend ya go bereka shopong o tlogele taba tsa sesiago i bet ur sister knows something bout this, we women have a strong intuition but choose to ignore
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

RobinH

maneater: READ. They had a fight about the matter. He did not wait until they had a fight.

Lady, stay out of it. Whether true or not, this can only lead to trouble in your own life. But I disagree Ann. Even less should she talk to the brother-in-law. Perhaps investigate a bit... discreetly. Establish what the truth really is, perhaps get a photo..... and then consider the options.
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

Noir19

All you can do is to stay away from your sisters relationship with her husband, because what ever ur saying is rumours and allegations which can wreck ur sisters marriage. U and ur boyfriend shoud Stay Away
Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

Kuch

Stay the hell out of it.........


Report Abuse

Jan 13, 2012

fokofpolisiekar

@Maneater

they had a fight about her boyfriend being scared to tell her whatever he said he wanna tell her, not that he told her when they had a fight.

i think it was a situation of - boy:"baby i wanna tell you something but am scared"
Girl: "what is is just tell me, you know you can tell me everything"
Boy: "Agg never mind"
then a fight broke up, i think thats what happened
Report Abuse

Read all 397 comments