Fri Oct 21 16:58:51 SAST 2016

She is using lobola as an excuse for her affair

By unknown | Nov 17, 2008 | COMMENTS [ 0 ]

I am 32 and I intend to finalise my lobola next month.

I am 32 and I intend to finalise my lobola next month.

Unfortunately my girlfriend has been a liar for the past six years.

We have a two-year-old child but my woman's lies are threatening our relationship.

Last year she threatened to cash in our policies and said she had decided to take our baby to my family so they could look after her.

My brother told me she was fetched from the family home by a guy whom, I suspect, she is having an affair with.

Another time she was with my brother at the bus stop and he saw her getting into the same guy's car.

Last month she packed her things and said her mother was opening a business for her. After a long argument she confessed that she had been lying.

She said she was leaving because Ihad not finished lobola and she didn't know what to tell me.

One of my friends told me she was having an affair with the same guy but she denies it. She says he is a friend. I believe my friend because I have heard the story from two different people.

My worry is that she tells me she loves me but will only come back when I have finished lobola.

What must I do? Should I leave her, even though I have not caught her red-handed with the other guy?

I no longer trust her, but I do love her. She has left our child with me because she says the creches on her side are not good.

Worried Man, Johannesburg

What you should do to stop worrying is to call her and tell her that you have to talk. Then tell her about the stories you have heard about her having an affair and about your fears and your insecurities.

Tell her that her behaviour is not acceptable for a mother and for a woman who is about to get married.

Tell her that she either returns now, to be a mother and a partner, or she takes a hike.

The excuse about waiting for lobola is rubbish. She's been around for years without it so why is she suddenly running off now and making this a condition?

Has she no shame leaving her child? She is concerned about the wrong creche but she isn't around to check on her child's health and whether she is fed, clothed and loved.


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