I really love my girlfriend but need my space too
MY GIRLFRIEND is 26 years old and I am 28. We have been together for two years and have been living together for six months.
ARE YOU IN NEED OF RELATIONSHIP ADVICE? Write to Dear Dudu, PO Box 6668, Johannesburg, 2000 or email deardudu@sowetan.co.za
We really do love each other, but the problem is that I have a lot of friends and pastimes, while she has very few friends and her life is planned around me.
At times I would like to be with my friends or do my own thing, but when I suggest this, she sulks. And she can seriously sulk.
I honestly don't know what to do when she behaves like this. I am not a person who will cheat and I in any case absolutely love her. How do I tell her that I need some space without hurting her?
Need space, Leondale
DUDU REPLIES:
This is a very common problem in many relationships.
There is no doubt that for a relationship to work well, both people need friends and interests apart from each other. The fact that you need space is no reflection on your love for her. She needs to be encouraged to stay in contact with her friends and to develop interests of her own.
If she stifles you, it will hurt your relationship. You will eventually become resentful of her and that would probably be the beginning of the end. Sulking is her way of manipulating you. It is about control - either you do what I want or I will sulk.
Don't entertain this behavior, don't apologise for things you didn't do or keep trying to shake her out of it. Totally ignore her when she sulks. Perhaps when things are going well you should tell her that her sulking is destructive and in future when she sulks you will leave her to get on with it.
Tell her that it is childish and she would get better results if she discussed her problems with you.
Your living arrangement is fairly new and there is a lot of adjustment on both sides. If you talk to each other and explain your needs honestly, your life together will be happier.
vuzzy
broer tell her the truth bkz that can lead you else where, and chances of you comparing her with ur freinds are likely to be there if u keep this going on and on. be a man and put this future family in ur order- meaning the way u want to see it. they say" the r people woe make things happen an thoes woe watch tings happening, so today dicede, u want to see other people happy an not understand wy r they enjoying their life. vuku uziendzhela broer (hope i put it rite)Report Abuse
Rhythmatic
i'd say resorting to co habitation was always a bad idea, especially since it seems the two of you are still boyfriend and girlfriend. this will put a strain on you because now you're at each other's faces 24/7 and as it appears, you'd like a bit of time to do your own thing with your friends. i'd bet it was the girl who suggested you move in togetherReport Abuse
Joseng
I think your girl is obssessed man and that behavior is not cool. you need to stop it as soon as possible.Report Abuse
sefebe
She is obsessed run while you still can. I will get worse with time. She will want to go to the toilet with youReport Abuse
Mamgobhozi
Tell her to get a life. I understand you fully when you say that you need your space. She is obsessed, she must also go VISIT her friends and family. Yoooo, I can imagine, i can go crazy to have someone 24/7!!!!! AKABE NE LIFE NAYE, ABANGANE BAKHE BAYAMDINGA!!!!Report Abuse
325is
Having the same problem, can't see my friends anymore she's always with me. When I tell her I going to see my folks she'll scream saying I don't have time for her. Don't know anyomoreReport Abuse
