‘Don’t be discouraged by life’s challenges, you can start again’

Very often it seems life is knocking us about until bravery knocks on your door. A point when you realise that you have to get up and fight for survival.

Sowetan spoke to three individuals who have gone through some turbulent times but chose to rise and overcome their challenges.

Phaphama Tshisikhawe, 36 – TUT spokesperson and PhD student

I grew in the dusty streets of Chiawelo, Soweto and my parents were unemployed. I was one of eight children and life was not easy, especially when we had to further our studies.

After matric, I did odd jobs, from cleaning, making tea and admin work before I was accepted to study journalism at the Tshwane University of Technology in 2006, a journey I was excited about. I believed it would alter my life and that of my family for the better.

However, because we had no income, my parents could not afford to pay for my fees, and my dream to become a journalist was at risk.  

I went to the TUT Soshanguve campus, without a plan – just a small bag with a pair of jeans, two T-shirts and a toothbrush.

Looking back, this was the best decision of my life but I was never ready for nor imagined the suffering I would endure in this phase of my life.

No funding and no money to pay for accommodation meant I would be a homeless student.

My parents were able to only borrow R1,500 for me to register and the rest was conquered on faith. I honestly can’t tell you how I survived this crucial part of my life.

Every day for my first year, I would wait for everyone to leave after lessons so I could use the classrooms to sleep on the desks.

Sometimes, I would sleep in the toilets. Winter nights were the worst, I would wear layers of the few clothes I had with a little jersey and try to wrap a scarf around me so I could fall asleep.

It was such a sad and lonely time in my life. Non of my classmates or friends suspected anything.

No one knew about this, only a few campus security officers who were sometimes kind enough to share their meals with me. Sometimes I go to would sleep hungry.

I only received funding later in my second year but still struggled with accommodation. A student leader spotted me and invited me to squat in one of their houses for safety.

In 2008, I got an internship at the university as a student assistant and gradually worked my way up. Some years later I became an alumni communication specialist and was promoted to a brand and corporate communication specialist until 2022, when I was appointed spokesperson.

Success is no accident. It is hard work, perseverance, learning, studying, sacrifice and most of all, love of what you are doing or learning to do.

Nkululeko Khanyi, 45 – mental health advocate

Who said therapy and counselling does not work and that talking is not healing?

After losing my life savings in a scam in 2010 and at the same time losing two brothers, life started feeling very heavy. 

I lost my car, house and money through a pyramid scheme I had invested in. As if that was not enough my older brother Vusi died and then my younger brother Nsizwa followed months later.It was a really dark time for me.

I felt like I could not take the pain anymore. I felt weaker every day and had nightmar es every night. 

I attempted suicide twice but was lucky to have been found in time. 

I was admitted to hospital for three months and received counselling and treament.

After seeing how healing talking was for me, I vowed to be the same pillar to others. I then decided to start this initiative Ungazibulali Awareness Campaign and Support Group in 2011 and I registered it as a non-governmental organisation.

The initiative has since been established into a centre with a professional doctor, psychologist and social worker.

We receive calls daily from people who want help because they feel suicidal. It is a safe space for people to talk and cry without judgement.

I realised that we are severely depressed and suicidal, and there are few organisations that deal with this. 

To anyone who needs to hear this: Don’t be discouraged by life’s challenges, you can start again. Be courageous. If you feel suicidal contact us and we will help you. Trust me when I say, I know what you are going through and you can make it.

Lucy Radebe, 33 – activist

I have never recovered from the trauma of discovering my grandmother’s body in the house in Heilbron Free State, when I came back home school. I was 12. This led me into depression, drugs and alcoholism.

My grandmother and my mother raised me and now suddenly she was gone. I was never the same again.

I never met my dad and was told he was shot when I was one as a result of political violence. Discovering my grandmother’s body caused me irreparable trauma.

I started feeling lost and was withdrawn at school. I started showing behavioural problems with my school marks dropping and I started rebelling, misbehaving and stealing.

In Grade 10, I dropped out of school and I constantly started running away from home. I was suicidal. I would cut myself, take pills in an attempt to kill myself.

When I was 18, I was diagnosed with HIV, this made me spiral further into depression. I had anger and resentment.

I was fearful thinking that I was going to die and I tried to kill myself. I was not well informed about HIV/Aids.

At the same time I was diagnosed with chronic depression and I had to be put on so many pills for my survival.

I stopped sleeping properly the day I found my grandmother dead.

When I was 26 and I had a complete picture of what was happening to me through a psychiatric evaluation, I was put on medication and I was able to return to school and even further my studies. I got a job as a safety officer but I was still an alcoholic.

One day, I found myself around other addicts. They had crystal meth andI tasted it. I could no longer go to work because I would stay up the whole night smoking. I resigned, lived in a house with addicts. I started stealing from my family, lying and manipulating them.

Two years into the habit, I had had enough of letting everyone around me down, and disappointing myself. I started a spiritual journey. Three years later I am sober. I started an organisation called Lucy’s Halfway Home House for Substance Use Disorder. I studied addiction counselling and did a lot of research trying to understand what led me to my addiction.

I do outreach programmes teaching people about the different effects drugs can have. I use social media to teach about drug addiction, mental health and childhood trauma.

I have support groups for parents and learners at schools.

My advice is for parents to be mindful of mental health. Children’s behaviour is often a cry for help. Get professional help when you notice that something is wrong with your child.

sibiyan@sowetan.co.za