If you do not teach your children, the streets will

I was driving with my two daughters sometime this week, and they were sitting at the back talking about this and that when the conversation started entering territory.

They started talking about death. More specifically about a shocking number of deaths around this time of the year at schools.

Apparently there's a high number of suicides among matric students around this time of the year. This stems, I suppose, from anxiety about the impending exams.

Or there's also the psychological realisation that they are about to leave school and their friends, who by now would have become the child's "family".

After all, children spend more time at school than they do at home. I can imagine the trauma to some of them when it suddenly dawns on them that they are about to lose the "family" that has been part of their lives all along.

In as much as many of them would be thrilled at the prospect of "freedom" that comes with university life, many would also have heard scary stories about this monster called university.

My eldest daughter, who is in matric, has shared some of her concerns about university. She has lived a pretty sheltered life all along. My wife and I have always been there for her. The teachers have also been there, becoming an extended part of the family.

Now that she's going to university there won't be anyone pushing her to do her homework, or to tell her to wake up and go to school. She is anxious about how she is going to cope.

But these concerns were not part of the conversation she was having with her younger sister as we were driving home.

The girls were talking about two high school boys who have died horrific deaths. From what they were saying, all private schools are abuzz with these deaths.

My daughters, for example, go to a girls' only high school, but even at their school the two deaths are being spoken about.

The two boys who have died are from two reputable schools - St Stithians and Michaelhouse. The St Stithians boy died of a cocaine overdose while the boy from Michaelhouse died from a combination of cocaine, ambi (which I learn is a combination of a sleeping pill and vodka) and Codeine (a cough mixture).

I almost jumped out of my seat when I began processing this piece of information. My shock was not over. My younger daughter calmly said: "That boy wouldn't have died had he consumed good cocaine. People must be careful about who their suppliers are."

That's when I said: "What the hell are you talking about?" My daughter said: "Dad, you must watch more TV. There's a show called Power, where they talk about different grades of cocaine and what you must look for when you're choosing a coke supplier."

I am not a regular TV watcher, I admit. When the rest of the family sits in front of the box, I retire to my study, either to read, or to write. A part of me was shocked that children have access to such information, in the comfort of their own TV room.

But a friend has pointed out that, as teenagers and given the fact that they have smart phones, they will have access to even more lethal information. Accessing this information is as easy as clicking the buttons on an electronic device. Touche.

The friend says I must be happy that they talk openly about these things. The fact that they were talking about the two deaths means they are concerned, and that these deaths have sent a message to them and their schoolmates - that drugs are dangerous.

I have had time to think about it. Painful and scary as it is, I am now of the opinion that we, as parents, should be talking more about these challenges that will surely face our children whether we like it or not.

Refusing to speak to our children - especially teenagers - about sex, drugs, anorexia (or any other eating related disorder) will come to bite us in the ass.

Telling them not to watch some TV shows because they are "bad" is not enough.

Think back to your own childhood: if grown-ups said something was "bad" you invariably thought it was "cool". You believed the grown-ups wanted all the fun things for themselves. So you secretly defied the parents and indulged in whatever it was that had been branded as being "bad".

What I am saying is simply this: take a deep breath, go up to your child, and start talking about these things. It mustn't look or sound like a lecture. Just a chat between father and son, or father and daughter as happens in my case. You do not want to wait until it's too late, when you discover the child is deep in a nightmare.

As I always say: if you don't teach your children, the streets will.

Khumalo's new book, #ZuptasMustFall and Other Rants, now available in book stores