The one-man boycott, perm and the usual ha ha ha!
THE INVISIBLE DUDE
Vera was hovering around Absa's Pretoria branches on Monday looking for Collen Maine, the ANC Youth League leader.
Maine had gone to Absa with his entourage to close his account as part of a major political plan to shake up the banking industry.
It was expected Maine's entourage would include crowds carrying banners reading #AbsaMustFall. So Vera went from one branch to another to get a glimpse of this big event.
She went to all the branches - small and big - looking for the crowds and the banners. She found nothing. She decided to do another Absa branch-to-branch tour, this time to ask people around Pretoria's malls, suburbs and streets if they had observed this major event, or simply helped with directions.
Tired of searching all day, Vera went back to her office feeling lied to by Maine's spin doctors about an event that was never going to take place.
On Tuesday Vera overheard an Absa employee telling a colleague: "We helped Maine to close off his account here in Pretoria yesterday afternoon. Dude was disappointed that no one recognised him. Not even passers-by at the mall."
GRAPHICALLY INCORRECT
Number One's decision to correct his inexplicable geography is intriguing.
The video clip in which he says Africa is the biggest continent was trending in December, providing holiday fun for those who had no money to go on holiday.
Typically Number One laughs at his own expense after making a mistake.
Does this mean he'll be correcting other errors, including the following: Thabo Mbeki was born in 1994; ANC membership dropped to hundred point two million; some students come from poor homeses. The list goes on.
Vera would like to advise Number One to stick to his tried and tested technique to deal with errors: just laugh it off. Vera and crew will laugh along. He he he! Ha ha ha!
ADVANCED FOLLYCLE
Mzwandile Masina, the deputy minister of trade and industry, was on PowerFM the other day talking about DA Johannesburg mayoral candidate and Black Like Me founder Herman Mashaba.
Masina, whose job is to promote South African businesses, spoke of how SA women are so "advanced" they wear Brazilian weaves, not local products such as Black Like Me, made famous by the perm hairstyle.
Vera listened with interest, hoping that Reverend Kenneth Meshoe of the African Christian Democratic Party, known for his well-kept perm, would call in to correct Masina's gender-biased comments. Alas, no such call came in.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK:
How does Number One's herd of security-sensitive VIC (very important cattle) survive the drought?