Culturally speaking: Meyiwa family – Kelly Khumalo situation

Senzo Meyiwa’s family are well within their rights in barring his girlfriend Kelly Khumalo from attending the burial on Saturday.

Cultural, Religions and Linguistic Commission chairperson Thoko Mkhwanazi-Xaluva told Sowetan LIVE that in a case similar to Meyiwa’s, the family have the final say on who and who does not attend the funeral.

Speaking on general issues faced by South African families when it comes to African funerals, Mkhwanazi-Xaluva had this to say: 

What are the rights of the wife?

When it comes to where the deceased should be buried, the wife has the first bite, legally speaking. Culturally the wife doesn’t have a say or a choice. Culturally you have to respect the views of the family. It’s a matter of respecting the family’s wishes.

The deceased belongings cannot belong to the girlfriend, especially if there is a wife, the one who has the first bite and the belongings would have to be with the wife.

Because what would happen if you had five girlfriends? Must they all now fight for your things when there is wife somewhere who is legally and culturally recognised to have the first bite?

What are the rights of the girlfriend?

Culturally the girlfriend does not have any rights. Especially if the girlfriend has not been formally brought into the family and the child has not been formally brought into the family.

The chief mourner in the family is the wife.  The girlfriend is not a member of the family, even if the whole world knows that she is a girlfriend. In terms of having any say it will all depend on the family. If the family is nice, they can allow the girlfriend to come and sit with the other mourners.

What are the rights of the girlfriend’s child?

The woman will have a right to claim maintenance for their child, not for her but for the child. This is to say; “this child has every right as any other child.”

Whatever privileges that are being enjoyed by the other children from the marriage should be also meted out to the other child that is in the house.

If the child is not recognised the mother can undergo a legal process.

Who is allowed to mourn and be cleansed?

You can’t cleanse yourself outside the family because it’s process that has to involve the whole family. It can’t be that you I’m feeling like wearing black therefore you say: “I’m going to wear black and I go buy my own black and when I want to take it off I go and slaughter my own goat.”  It is not like that.

Equally, families can’t be grabbing girls from the streets simply because social media says there is a girlfriend out there and then you run after that girlfriend and you cleanse her.

The only recourse the mother of the child would have is to have her family regularise the relationship with the deceased family.

Is usage of the deceased possessions allowed?

Culturally the possessions of the person who has been deceased need to be respected. They need to park the car; not handle his or her clothes etc. There should be minimum movement in regards to their possessions.

You have to respect the things of the deceased until the cleansing period has come.