I am in such deep despair after abortion
I AM 25 years old. A year ago I was involved with a man for six months. He turned out to be a very bad person. He was a drug dealer and in the last few months of our relationship he started beating me.
I was petrified of him but eventually found the courage to leave him.
A month after I left him I realised that I was pregnant. I didn't discuss this with anyone and immediately had an abortion.
I didn't even think about it. I just knew that there was no way that I could have this man's child. If he found out that I had his child it would mean that he would be in my life forever and I was notprepared to risk it.
Having the abortion was very traumatic for me.
It is against everything I believe in.
I didn't even give myself a chance to recover, I just carried on with my life as if nothing had happened.
I feel so guilty about doing this and I cannot get it out of my head.
In spite of the baby being this man's, it was also part of me.
I feel so guilty and depressed. I cannot sleep or eat and I have completely withdrawn from family and friends.
I put on a brave face for everyone at work but I don't think I can cope anymore.
I don't know whether I can ever forgive myself. - Remorseful, Benoni
ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU
YOU have been through such a traumatic time on your own and I am sorry that you have suffered so much.
The first thing you need to do is return to the doctor for a check-up to ensure that you are physically healthy.
You should consider discussing with him the depression you are going through and the fact that youcannot eat or sleep.
Also ask to be referred to a professional counsellor who can help you to work the pain you are suffering from.
Depression is different for everybody but it can affect every aspect of a person's life. You might also experience feelings of anger, grief, shame and guilt and this is to be expected.
I honestly don't think you should be alone.
You need to reach out to family and close friends - the people who love you.
Your family might be disappointed but I am sure that they will offer you the support you need to get through this difficult time.