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 I had sex with a man I work with, afterwards I confessed to my husband. We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened 

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Please believe me when I say that I love my husband with all my heart.

I attended a company function a few months ago, got drunk and had sex with a man I work with. I think my drink was spiked, but I have no proof.

When I realised the next day what I had done, I was devastated. I thought long and hard and decided that the only way I would be able to live with this is if I told my husband.

He was angry, hurt and so disappointed.

He left me for a month and when he came back, he said he wanted to try and make the marriage work because he still loved me and wanted the best for our child.

We never spoke about what had happened, which has proved to be unbelievably difficult.

We just cannot get back to where we were before this happened. He is suspicious of me all the time. He wants to know where I am, what time I will be home and who I am with.

I have assured him that nothing like that would ever happen again.

Though I understand how he must feel, it is really starting to wear me down.

Sometimes when he looks at me I feel as if he hates me. He also will not touch me.

What can I do to reassure him that I love him and our child more than anything in the world? Will we ever get over this? - Sad Wife, Randburg

ADVICE FROM DEAR DUDU:

When you say you know how he must feel - believe me you don't.

Until something like this actually happens to you, you will never know how he feels, so don't expect him to get over this any time soon. Don't assume how he feels, but try and ask him to tell you how he feels and what he is going through. This will help with the healing process.

You are fortunate that he has come back and wants to save the marriage. I know I sound harsh, but these are the facts.

While I understand that you might also be a victim because you believe your drink might have been spiked, it doesn't make it any easier for him to come to terms with what happened.

It is not as easy as telling him to trust you when you have broken his heart. The words mean nothing unless they are followed up with actions. If this means that you have to report your every move to him and give up on some of your privacy, then do it.

Make promises to him that you know you can keep. Don't give him any cause to feel insecure or mistrustful of you. Be patient and give it time to rebuild his trust.

You love each other and you have a baby to consider, so make every effort to save your marriage.

Comments

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Tue May 21 15:22:25 SAST 2013 ::

Jul 27, 2012

imd

I thought long and hard and decided that the only way I would be able to live with this is if I told my husband.
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you DOM!!!!!
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Jul 27, 2012

LeparaThePresident

@imd

Hi imd
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Jul 27, 2012

Theotherguy

Joo!!!!! the man is my role model coming back home after this catastrophe it takes a mature individual to do this
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Jul 27, 2012

KeRataBasadi

The old "it just happened" excuse, she was probably sexing other dudes besides the co-worker an ex boyfriend maybe. Love them but don't trust them. I dont care who says what, the two are not mutually exclusive.
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Jul 27, 2012

Mellow

got drunk and had sex with a man I work with. I think my drink was spiked, but I have no proof.
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You think you were spiked? Are you looking for an excuse or were you really spiked all I know is if you truly believe it even for a second then it means you were raped and you would've reported it so why didnt you? but then again you seem to have doubts could be you were flirting with him the whole night and lets not blame it on alcohol please. You slept with another man and didnt think about your hubby shame hey you broke the trust girl the trust maybe he is trying to work on it as much as it wears you down you'll have to be more patient and understanding I guess it cant be easy on him, you betrayed him...Goodluck though hope you can save your marriage
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Jul 27, 2012

KeRataBasadi

@Theotherguy
Joo!!!!! the man is my role model coming back home after this catastrophe it takes a mature individual to do this
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No, It takes isishimani.
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Jul 27, 2012

truthhurt

Se tsha tsha!
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Jul 27, 2012

LeparaThePresident

When I realised the next day what I had done, I was devastated. I thought long and hard and decided that the only way I would be able to live with this is if I told my husband.
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Clearly you stupid like imd says. The first thing that you should have done was to rush for a morning after p!ll you d0m, then went for check for all the sexologies 's famous infections including the non curable one HIV. After that , then if you are assured that niks is koekoen, give it to husban as if the guy you slept with. problem solved.Mara wena o iketsa skoon pampiernyana , so deal with the aftermath.
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Jul 27, 2012

imd

You are fortunate that he has come back and wants to save the marriage. I know I sound harsh, but these are the facts.
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hahahahahaha it was WORSE where he went and went back shem!!!!!


ola Lepara.........
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Jul 27, 2012

Mellow

Theotherguy
Joo!!!!! the man is my role model coming back home after this catastrophe it takes a mature individual to do this
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True it takes a mature one to forgive and forget despite all odds, dramas, cheating etc. Women have been doing it for years though and only a few men are still trying to master it. Its just hard for men to forgive. He went home but is he really willing and ready to forgive?
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