I AM a 23-year-old woman and I am studying at university. I have had such bad luck recently. My boyfriend and I had been together for two years when I fell pregnant. When I told him he told me to have an abortion. When I refused he left me. I was heartbroken.

Though a baby would have disrupted my life and I didn't know how I would manage, I don't believe in abortion.

I did not tell anyone I was pregnant. When I was eight weeks pregnant I started bleeding and went to a hospital. I was told that I had miscarried.

I felt so alone because there was no one I could go to for help. Though I did not really want the baby, I cried for the child I had lost. I am so depressed and I have problems sleeping and am not coping with my studies.

My boyfriend is at the same university as I am, so we often bump into each other. We normally only greet each other, but the other day he asked me why I was not showing my pregnancy? I said I had miscarried and walked away.

He has been trying to speak to me and has left a message on my phone saying that he still loves me.

I feel so vulnerable and alone that I am considering taking him back. What do you think? Depressed, Johannesburg

DUDU RESPONDS:

You have been through a very traumatic time on your own and I am sorry that you have suffered so much as a result of it.

Unfortunately there is nothing to cure the heartache you have experienced. It will take time to heal.

I think you should return to your doctor for a check-up and explain the problems you are experiencing.

Ask to be referred to a counsellor so that you can speak about the loss of your baby.

Often, people are not that sympathetic when a woman miscarries without realising that she needs to grieve the loss of her child.

You are right about being very vulnerable and this is not a good time for you to make a decision about whether to get back with your boyfriend.

To tell you the truth, he treated you in an appalling manner. He deserted you when you most needed him and who is to say that when you face another crisis he won't disappear again?

Is that really the sort of relationship you want to be in?

Love isn't just about the good times, it is being there to support each other through the bad times as well.

Concentrate on your wellbeing, health and studies and in time, you will meet someone who will love and treat you the way you should be.