I love my girlfriend, but I think she is using me

I MET my girlfriend a year ago. We fell in love almost immediately and about two months later she was offered a job in Cape Town.

I live in Johannesburg. We used to see each other about once a month and spent time together when she took leave this year.

She lost her job in Cape Town in July. She was going to go home to Durban, but I told her she would have better opportunities here. I said she could move in with me.

I have a good job and earn a good wage, but I work very hard and long hours. She has been for a few interviews and got one of the jobs, but only stayed a week because she did not like the people she worked with.

The problem I have is that I don't think she is trying hard enough to find a job and is happy to stay at home. I pay for everything and I have the feeling she is using me. She said it was too late in the year to look for a job and she would start looking again in February.

I am really not happy with this. I have also caught her out lying to me sometimes and this has caused huge fights. She also gets cross with me when I go out with my friends.

She does not appreciate all I do for her and does not seem to be grateful at all.

I really love her, but I don't know if I can carry on like this. What do you think? - Tired of this, Sandton

Dudu says:

This is a difficult situation for both of you. Even though you have spent time with each other, living together is totally different.

Perhaps you did not know each other well enough before moving in together. You love each other so you need to look at ways to overcome your problems and build a better relationship.

She has given up the support she could have had with her family and friends in Durban to be with you and you are working hard to support her, so both of you have made sacrifices.

Is it possible to introduce her to people you know so that she can make new friends? I am sure she is lonely and that is why she puts pressure on you to be with her all the time.

You need to ask her if she really does want to live in Johannesburg and what you can do to make her feel more settled. She probably does not know her way around Johannesburg, so help her find a few employment agencies and show her how to get to them.

Discuss whether temping would be a possibility. Many people take leave in December and it might be an opportunity for her to find work.

Being in a new city can be overwhelming so help her to find her way around.

It's not easy sharing space and both of you will have to compromise and discuss ways to make it easier for each other. Communicate with each other honestly.