10 Days. 10 Questions. What young Africans think of love

YoungAfricaLive (YAL) has taken the temperature of young Africans – and found their attitudes to love sizzling hot, but surprisingly mature.

Over the past 10 days, YoungAfricaLive users in South Africa, Kenya and Tanzania were given the chance to cast a vote each day on a broad spectrum of polls that covered everything from straight-up love to what’s going down with sex.

Those who doubt the seriousness with which young Africans take relationships and sex will be surprised to know that most respondents agreed that “Sex is always better with someone you love” (76% of over 4000 YAL users).

There’s also a hopeless romantic streak in YoungAfricaLive (YAL) users with the majority of those polled admitting you can’t stop yourself falling in love. “The heart wants what the heart wants”, 62 % of close to 3500 users acknowledged.

When it comes to tying the knot, a massive 88% of close to 4000 users said that a marriage needs love to succeed – an acknowledgment of the seriousness with which YAL users take this aspect of their romantic life, even though for many it lies a good few years ahead.

On a more sober note, users showed a considered sense of what’s right and wrong in response to the question: “Love is stronger than... a rough hand: True or False?” Only 17% agreed that a man can raise his hand against a woman and still love her, with close to 80% saying either it’s never okay for a man to take such action or that this should be termed “bad love”.

And young Africans hold little truck with cheaters: at least half of the users said that if their partner cheated they would pack their bags and head for the road – close to 2000 of around 4000 votes.

Against a backdrop of Africa’s HIV/Aids statistics, 52% of young Africans defined love as always using a condom to protect the one you love. This is as opposed to the 5% who said that love is having sex without a condom “because you trust one another”, 21% defining love as “taking an HIV test together”, or the 20% who defined it as “coming clean about your sexual past”.

79% of the guys who voted said that they show their love by being caring and supportive while 84% of the girls who voted said the same. The feminists amongst us would be reassured to know that very few women voted to show their love by “cleaning up after him”, “making sure his dinner is waiting when he comes home” or “having sex with him whenever he wants it”.

When asked what’s most important in a relationship, an overwhelming 70% of votes opted for the solid foundation of friendship, trust and support - over and above love, good sex or financial security.

Says Gustav Praekelt of the Praekelt Foundation, “It’s always fascinating when we do polls on YAL, especially when they are around a strong topic like love and romance. Our polls are not definitive, but we do believe that they play a real role in giving an indication of where our users are headed and what is important to them.”

YoungAfricaLive South Africa currently has 831 000 registered users, while new services in Kenya and Tanzania - launched in December 2011 - are rapidly gaining momentum. 

Feel the love – The YAL Valentine’s polls

Poll 1: In your relationship how often do you say, "I love you"?

• Everyday – 42%
• When I want a favour – 4%
• When I feel guilty – 3%
• Whenever my partner says it, I say it back – 27%
• Not often – 21%

Poll 2: Can you have good sex with someone you don't love?

• I’m a girl. Sex is better for me if there is love involved – 10%
• I’m a guy. I don’t need love to enjoy sex – 4%
• It doesn’t matter what gender you are, sex is a human need and doesn’t need love to make it work – 8%
• Sex is always better with a partner you love – 76%

Poll 3: Can you stop yourself falling in love?

• Yes – You can choose to love someone just like you can choose to stop loving them – 37%
• No – You can’t help how you feel. The heart wants what the heart wants – 62%

Poll 4: Would you marry someone you didn’t love?

• Yes – if he offered financial stability – 9%
• Yes – if our parents or community wanted it – 2%
• No – a marriage needs love to succeed – 89%

Poll 5: Love is stronger than... a rough hand: True or False?

• True: a man can raise his hand against you and still love you very much – 17%
• True: especially if he does it very seldom – 3%
• False: It’s never okay for a man to lay a hand on a woman – 53%
• False: this is not good love, it’s bad love – 25%

Poll 6: Love is stronger than... a little bit of cheating: True or False?

• True: I would take him/her back if he cheated; everyone makes mistakes – 22%
• True: I would take him/her back if they cheated occasionally, but not if they had a long affair with somebody else – 10%
• True: I could forgive everything - except if I found out he had a child with someone else – 15%
• False: Doesn’t matter if it was once or ten times, I would pack my bags and go – 50%

Poll 7: Love is...

• Taking an HIV test together – 21%
• Having sex without a condom because you trust each other – 5%
• Always using a condom to protect the one you love – 52%
• Coming clean about your sexual past – 20%

Poll 8: I’m a guy: I show her I love her by...

• Paying the bills – 2%
• Helping her with the housework and the dishes – 2%
• Listening to her and being caring and supportive – 79%
• Introducing her to my family – 10%
• Making sure she climaxes first – 5%

Poll 9: I’m a girl: I show him I love him by...

• Listening to him and being caring and supportive – 84%
• Making sure his supper is waiting when he comes home – 2%
• Cleaning up after him – 0%
• Getting along with his mates – 0%
• Having sex with him whenever he wants it – 11%

Poll 10:  What is most important in a relationship?

• Good sex – 7%
• Financial security – 1%
• Love – 21%
• Friendship, trust and support – 70%